Coach Ryan... Life's a Game, Coach It

COMING SOON!!!!

2007-11-30T11:20:00.000-05:00

My new fitness boot camp for kids.

Time to start fighting child obesity one child at a time

12 Weeks To Ultimate Gift To Self

2007-11-30T11:08:00.000-05:00

I decided on Monday that I would do what I did a year ago. Take over my health and do it to another level. I am giving myself 12 weeks to get to where I was when I was training for a mini-triathlon

Now I may be a trainer and I may run the best fitness bootcamp in central jersey, but it is a fact, most trainers do not focus on themselves. Time is hard, so I have programmed a workout that should not take more then 30 min a day and putting it to the test.

So far, week 1 has been a minor challenge (bootcampers would love it!).

After this week is through I will post the workout and if the interest is there, I will give you ther workouts in advance and you can do them as I do.

A Win Win Situation

2007-08-31T09:34:00.000-04:00

I mentioned last week that we had a game coming up. Well we won 12-0, you would think my coaches and I would be happy, but we made mistakes left and right. It should had been 30-0 easy.

Defense was solid with gang tackling, however we had some arm tackling issues. this has been corrected.

So we won, which is good, but we as coaches were harder on the kids this week, because we need them to see that just because you get one win, does not mean you can let up, actually its the opposite, you need to work harder, so it is with life.

Want to know why kids are disrespectful, fat and declining in general? Their parents. Complete and total waste of being a role model. I have kids missing practice without telling me or another coach, parents who just bring them late because they didn't care. Kids eating crap before and after games and practices when as an athlete at any level you need to feed your body good food. These parents do not show these kids the right way. I have kids who think it is OK to just not show up and not let anyone know, show me one corporation in the world who allows this and Ill show you a company that is going to lose tons of money.

So I teach them. I do not play them. I tell them they show up to the games and support their teammates and when they learn that not coming to practice not only hurts the team but could hurt themselves and shows lack of respect for coaches and teammates, then I will play them again. So far have had to suspend 2 players this seasons. Only suspended 1 last season at the end of the season.

We have a game Saturday at 4:30 pm. Should be a good one. I will update again

1 Practice and 3 Days Away

2007-08-24T07:54:00.001-04:00

I know I have no updated since oooooo June. Well I have found myself thinking more and more that on my way from running Bootcamp at 6:30 am and going to my other full time job, that I find myself reflecting on what is going in my life or it just time to process the events of the day before.

You do not know how much a player you coach wants to make you happy or please you until you see them cry because they could not do something right in PRACTICE. I took a step back after working with my field goal kicker who is 11 years old. He has the foot to do it and nailed 9 of 10 field goals from extra point range, which is highly impressive. However last night he made only 3 of about 15. I started to get frustrated, because having a kicker for extra point in a game could give us 2 points instead of 1.

Side note: in Pop Warner if you go through 2 overtimes still tied, your team is forced to try to kick an extra point for every time you score. Last yr the championship game between 2 teams went for 5 overtimes and had to be continued into another day. So you see the importance.

Well I could see my player's eyes watering up and we talked, explaining it is only practice and it is OK to miss, but I needed him to focus. Usually this is when I find myself taking my own advice, perhaps I am just giving the advice to my players because I know it is what I should be doing.

With our game coming up against a team we beat 33-6 last year, we are not treating them lightly. We know they want revenge, however I hate to tell them, that after we scrimmaged 2 teams from conferences bigger and stronger then ours and we basically embarrassed their teams, they better bring their A game plus more.

As for personal life, Evan is growing to be a major cutie. Definitely my son, knows how to flirt already, knows how to make dad proud. hahaha.

My business is growing nicely www.totalcorefitcamp.com. Local paper picked us up. you can read it here: http://ems.gmnews.com/news/2007/0815/Front_Page/033.html

With the new business I have found myself starting to add Team Building and Motivational Speaking/Coaching opportunities. Should be a fun ride. I will update on how the team did on Monday, I just hope my teams comes together like did for the scrimmages, because last night's practice was a C+ at best.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

We Are All Winners

2007-06-20T10:12:00.000-04:00

Wow so I am entering back to my roots of the blogging community. Missed it. I find myself often thinking, "i should really blog this." but don't.

I think most of it is my inability to hold a thought lately. With my life turned upside down with the birth of Evan (o yeah he was born May 6, 2007 at 1:43 pm, 7lb 10oz, 20 inches)

I also have found myself starting my own business (http://www.totalcorefitcamp.com/) as I have talked about for years. One day I woke up and said, I think I will do it today, so I did.

A lot of has been going on in the world. People getting married, others getting pregnant, old friends re-uniting and some friendships failing. The endless circle of life. You get a new sense of reality when you look down and see the life that was brought into this world and you think, "wow".

A thought came to me as I was joking about Evan, all of us are all winners. Yep, you heard it here, we were all the winning sperm. Now that is something to help keep you feeling good about yourself. You beat out what could have been a million of other possibilities.

When Advice Doesn't Pertain To Adults?

2007-03-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

I was on my way home from a football coaching clinic with my assistant coach and we came to talking about the possible obstacles we will face this year. Mainly because we are going to be using an offense that is as old as organized football itself. It is so old its new, kind of like trends today. Parents today are laughing because the styles they grew up with are now making a come back and their kids think its a whole new trend.

We got to talking about how we would deal with the naysayers. Then it hit me as I was explaining that I wasn't going to listen to hypocrites. Now, not saying hypocrite as an insult, but as describing how what they preach is not how they act.

As coaches, we tell kids that saying "I Can't" is not acceptable. How can you say you cannot do something unless try? We tell kids to be positive and to keep trying. Do you tell a player who fell down to stop trying because they did not succeed? No, we tell them to keep trying and learning from their mistakes. Why is it different with adults?

You see we are facing the dilemma of people telling us it cannot be done. It is too hard for the kids to learn. It will be difficult for kids to do certain things. However we have videos of kids younger doing these things, kids older, smaller, bigger, slower and faster. It is proven to be OK for their age level and yet, we can't do it.

For anyone who has ever dealt with me, coached with me, in same organization serving on the same boards as myself, you know that people who tell me I cannot do something only adds fuel to my fire to prove you wrong. I try to lead by example with my players. I never say can't, I will not let them say can't. I simply tell them they found a bunch of ways not to do something.

Future Player In the Making

2007-03-01T08:11:00.000-05:00

Here are some of the first pics of the new player to my team.

and Proof its a HE!

Time is My Enemy

2007-02-22T08:14:00.000-05:00

You know how people always talk about there not being enough hours in the day? Well this concept has become more apparent in the past couple of weeks.

I have my full-time job from 7am - 4pm, then I usually work out or I train clients (Mondays & Fridays) or I am running my fitness boot camp til about 7pm (Tues and Thurs), work on the gym floor and train clients in same night until 9pm (weds). Saturday mornings I work at one gym til 10am and then run to another gym to train a client at 11. Then after all that I have some time to spend with my wife.

Now to add to this, I try to do some work on football in preparation for the upcoming season. Since coaching is a year round job and I want to become as educated as possible and a higher qualified coach for the future, I attend clinics when I can. Yet more time off the personal time clock.

So as with anything I am managing the clock even better then before. I am not going to be working at the gym on wed nights (if all goes well on interview today) however I may be at a hospital being a part of their obese children program. Which is not only a great opportunity, but a step in the direction to where I am thinking about going in the future. A future I was once working towards, just with a new subject.

I am looking into the possibility of getting my teaching certification and possibly doing physical education (I have the background, but I know this is a dime a dozen major). However it would also take more time away from me and my growing family. It may mean having to give up hours training and focus on the the bigger goal. Who knows, its still all on the drawing board right now.

Wow Its Been A While!

2007-02-21T13:58:00.000-05:00

Ok well here I am writting months later. I appologize for that. Well I am another year older, the baby is baking perfectly in Dori's belly and I am possibly taking on another job. Go Figure.

I will be writting more tomorrow, spent most of the day updating this site.

What a Night... The Wedding

2006-12-18T08:34:00.000-05:00

Well it is now a week from the wedding and I figured I would give some updates, pictures and a few good stories! Let me preface this post by thanking my mother for all the hard work, organization and keeping Dori and I grounded through this whole process. She was the backbone for our special day/night. Also my Aunt Carol for all the support and behind the scenes work, especially with the deals on hotel, limo and other areas.

Now whoever said grooms are not involved with weddings can kiss my ass. I was up at 6am the day of, running around with my mother getting last minute items, the flowers and going to the hall to set up decorations. We went to pick up Dori's bouquet and it was horrific. So before we went to pick up Dan to help set up hall, we had to do some crisis thinking and get it fixed as best as possible. Luckily a place in our home town who did all my prom flowers and my father's funeral took on the job and saved the day.

Darryl, my best man came to my house around 2pm and it all started. Preparation to cliff dive without a parachute and kill my single life. Sharing old stories, joking around and an hour later, I was on my way to the hotel. Dan and Lindsey were there to help me clear out my car and set up the suite for Dori to get ready. BTW it was great to finally meet Lindsey in person.

So the only time I think I got nervous the entire week, night, hour was when the DJ was not in the room 30 min before the guests arrived. That is the only time sweat fell down. The only time I think I shed a tear was when I lit the memorial candle for my father and looked at his picture, wishing he was there in person, but knowing he was there in spirit helped.

Here are some photos to help with the night.

Groomsmen Before Wedding

My Brother Takes Over Bridal Suite Bar

Everyone Starting To Feel It In the Suite

The Girls

For fun and to continue to be unpredictable, my friends should have known I would get them. I even warned them that at the wedding, I was going to get them. Well for fun, I had the DJ bring props for the groomsmen to wear and then lead the room in the YMCA. (I will post Video of it later *its kind of dark)*** UPDATE~ Here is the video

Then Dori went in and stole my brothers Hat.

Then in true entertainment fashion, the entire bridal party was up front for the room of people laughing their asses at us.

Next Morning having breakfast. Dori got us hats in case people could not remember who we were without our costumes on.
*Thank you Lindsey for these photos! To See Her Wedding Album for us, go here (more drunken photos, Dori and I and random photos. Was a fun night) More updates to come

Single Life Break Up

2006-12-07T08:18:00.000-05:00

Dear Single Life,

Well I am writting to bring you some bad news. I know you saw it coming, and I want you to know up front, its not you, its me. We are going to have to end this relationship I have thoroughly enjoyed for over 20 yrs. I know you will be perfect for some other guy who will truly appreciate everything you have to offer. However I have to move on and have found something different and better.

I will miss the ability to flirt with any girl at any time, the ability to be at a bar use my eyes to my advantage for some girl to try to hit on me and buy me a drink (always loved that role reversal). We had a fun run together. I will not deny that I will miss the days where there was no commitment and that is something special that came with you.

Well, its only 2 days away from my wedding day and it will be the time I will have to cut of all communication with you. Sorry, but it is for the better. If you want, I could help set you up with someone, I know some people who are having a hard time and their single life sucks. I'll hook ya up. I hope you do not take this offensively, but I hope we never meet again. =)

Oh and BTW, remember all those things that happened together and the stories we never shared? Let's keep that between you and me, OK?

Best of Luck
Ryan

We Are Our Past

2006-12-01T09:01:00.000-05:00

Some people live by the saying "it is what you do that defines you." I go by, "you are your past" that defines you."

See, I believe who you are now is from the people and experiences you have gone through in life. The good, the bad and most definitely the ugly sides of our self. From my own life experiences I can say that I can look back and know where I came from and learned from what mistakes I have made.

The most defining years of my life where from age 16-18. Some of the hardest and most trivial times in my life to date. It was December 1996 that my father passed away and I was left wondering what my role was. It was Feb 1997 that I met someone who really kept me grounded and focused and helped me more then they ever knew. It was then that I got my sense of a "real relationship" and to see someone who cared for me and showed me it was OK to be myself. Not only did this person open my eyes to relationships but she did so in making sure I didn't give up and pushed me, especially in times I felt like giving up. I also learned that in Sept- Dec 1997 that I should have sucked it up and made the trip to her college to visit her. LOL

But in those defining years, lead me to be where I am today. She was that measuring stick to anyone I would date later and I eventually found someone who could measure up. Dori would eventually become a student in ways, where I could pass on what I learned, but I learned from teaching along the ways. About communication, the troubles with dealing with a lot of outside influences and making time in my busy life.

But in the middle of all these relationships were my friends and the people I met in classes. Professors who didn't give up on me and of course my family.

In Circle K I learned some valuable lessons. I would rather serve and volunteer then take any position in power again. Though I do not regret my positions and making the changes and decisions I made, because I know they were right during my time there, I do not want to waste time in battles of egos. I look around and I see many who are still friends and I am happy for them, but I remember the words whispered behind their backs, so I wonder, do those thoughts just get thrown away? Because that is not who I am. But CKI brought me in touch with some of the most amazing people in the US and abroad. To list a few: Dan, Erin, Bobby S., Matt, Jill, Lindsey (who I know from Dan), Abby, Erica, Alan, Mondo. those are only a few, but there are many more. If you want to see the future of this country, look at them, because they are genuine.

So I am who I am today because of all these people. The people I have met and watched. The experiences of being on stage, falling down stairs and getting hit on the football field. From the kids I coach to the professors who challenged me. My parents in both life and my father in death. So I thank you, because it may take a village to raise a baby, but its the world who shapes the person.

Dad's & Babies

2006-11-30T08:52:00.000-05:00

Vandana left me this as a comment on MySpace and I had to share. People are already having fun with me. Enjoy, I know I did.

Relationship Experiment: Single Parents & Married

2006-11-30T08:36:00.000-05:00

So in recent weeks I have been having conversations with people and noticing a common trend. No It could be isolated, but I am seriously intrigued by this grouping of people. Do people end up making closer relationships with people who come from a similar foundation as themselves.

Now here is why this has come up. I was talking with my reverend at church and it came up on family backgrounds and I noticed that the people I am closest with (mainly through life and maintain as friends) are from 2 parent homes and not separated by divorce. I then started to interweave through the relationships of other people and find that they have similar relationships with who they are close with. Some who come from divorced homes, are in fact closer with others who are from divorced homes. Now some could make the argument that this is purely because this is what they have in common, but here is where I put a wrench in that thought. Many people do not talk about this part in their lives until they get to know people better. I mean who has a general conversation about their parents?

I was talking to Sarah whom I work with at one gym and she and I were discussing this and she started to notice it as well. So I am wondering, is it a communication difference? Is there a certain way we come off to others that we can see where they come from and are compelled to stay close with these people? Or is it purely coincidence.

I mean it is not 100% full proof with saying you will not have someone who has a complete different upbringing being your closest friends, however what are the majority of your relationships?

Smack Me: I am a Bad Blogger

2006-11-30T08:29:00.000-05:00

In the past couple weeks I have had more things I could blog about, but when I get to the computer I find myself doing something I have never done before, wondering if anyone would seriously care what I had to write. I mean a part of me just writes to get it out of my head. I feel as if, if I do not express and let out my thoughts, they haunt me!

I get caught in this blogging purgatory. One part says blog about whatever, and another is don't, no one really cares, I mean some people just write about their lives and going to a store and coming back and people are amused (I'm not) and I like blogs more with a reason behind them. However I do not have much of a theme on this blog, so anything could really go.

I promise to all my 3 readers (which is all it could be by this time of not blogging for a while) that I will do some major blog updates. I have some things on the mind. T Minus whatever time is at the top of my page till I jump off the building we call single life.

Hmmmm I Need Your Help

2006-11-17T09:41:00.000-05:00

Well with my wedding come up soon, I will no longer need the Title "Single Life Suicide". I am looking for a new name for this blog and ideas for a banner.

So Any suggestions?

SHOT DOWN! You Entered The Friend Zone

2006-10-31T10:47:00.000-05:00

So you meet someone and you end up going on a few dates and things seem to going great. One night you go for the move and then they pull away and take the stamp of death and press it on your forehead it reads " FRIENDS ONLY". They explain how great you are and how perfect you would be for them however you are better off as friends and they do not want to ruin that.

It is well known that once you enter that zone, you cannot get out. No, all you can do is sit back and think, "where the hell did I mess up? Did I do anything wrong? WHY ME?"

Because for guys, we know the situation. Ladies you will pick that other guy, everything opposite of what you want or like because you think you can change him. For a better explanation it is like going on a job interview. Here is what we hear when you say lets stay only friends:

"Wow you resume looks amazing. You are more then qualified and would be perfect for this company. However, we are going to have to pass on you. We will be using your resume as the measuring stick for everyonelse we interview. However we know we will never truly find someone with your qualification. We will be hiring this other guy who will probly be lazy, uneducated and end up being an alcoholic. I hope you don't mind us calling you at 2 a.m. complaining and wishing it was you we hired and how miserable we are. I hope you understand."

Yep boys and girls, "lets stay friends" is right up there with phrases such as "its not you, its me" or everyone's favorite, "when your not looking, you will meet the right person."

Updates On This Thing I Call Life

2006-10-26T08:48:00.000-04:00

Well I will start out with the updates that go from minor to major. As many know I am a football coach for kids 8-10yrs old. Seriously, as much as it can get frustrating at times, I enjoy every second of it. Our team is 3-4 after losing a heart breaker in overtime on Sunday. Our last game of the season is coming up and I am optimistic that these guys will finish with a win.

In other news, I finally got my first client for personal training at the one place I'm working, however I interviewed and and got a second personal training position at the gym I work out at, which should give me a good amount of clients (since I used to train people privately from there). Some people have found out and are excited to hire me and to take my Abs classes and Fitness Bootcamps (I'm excited to be able to get these going). So this leaves Ryan with 3 jobs.

So you may wonder why I went and got a 3rd job. Easy, me and Dori (fiance) moved our wedding from Sept 2, 2007 to December 9, 200. So this means I'm looking to jump off that building of single life even faster then anticipated.

Why would we move the wedding up? Because we want more stress in our lives? Just so excited to be married? Nope! As some will guess, and to many the fears of the people on this wonderful planet, I will be a daddy. As scary as it is for people read it, its scary for me to write that. (sorry for any friends I have not been able to tell this to and this being the way you are first finding out.)

Never Trust a Girl Who Says BRB

2006-10-16T14:14:00.000-04:00

Ok I saw this on Phoenix Patouche's Blog. Fit into what I wrote on Wed last week. Computer Geeks National Anthem! LMAO

Here is a Friday Laugh

2006-10-13T10:34:00.000-04:00

So Going To Try Online Dating?

2006-10-11T10:47:00.000-04:00

It is that time of year again. I find that many people who are single are on that mission., to find that someone. Usually it comes right after weddings when people look at people in love and think, "I want to be that way... hmmm who is single here" or worse they go to a wedding and realize, "holy crap I'm at the singles table, these people are scary!"

So in this search, people will take on the blind dates, which almost always ends with you losing your friendship with the person who set you up with the complete ass or loser. You wonder, "what did I ever do to you to deserve that date?" Others will try to go to the bars and use their best pick-up lines in hopes of not being laughed at or finding that one person who has the significant other. "hey do you work for ups? Because I saw you checking out my package."

Then there are the people who will try online dating. Yes, this once taboo form of meeting people has now become something more normal and accepted. I did my senior thesis on the difference in communication with people meeting online vs in a bar. In a bar you usually have an average of 5 seconds to get the persons attention and make an impression. Then your conversation will be scripted, greeting, name, what do you do, number. It is that quick on average, some people will be able to get a longer convo, however if your a guy and you went up to a girl with a group of friends, they blocker for the night will make sure you are pushed away fast. Online dating you have the ability to just click the X out on someone. But can stalk the hell out of them if they give you a SN. LOL

The thing with online communication, people will share almost anything about themselves, which gives you the ability to learn more about the person. However if you meet online, within 1 week you should move to phone. Then work on meeting in person. This is usually in a public place where people know where you will be for the night. From that first date, it is the same as any other person, but you might know more about them.

Now, why move to the phone in a week? After a weeks time you could fall into the "friend zone" or create online communication as your main form.

I say do whatever works for you in finding someone. However as everyone says and its the worst possible saying in the world to someone single, when your not looking, someone will come.

Let's Take a Look at This Week... So far

2006-09-29T07:52:00.000-04:00

1. Monday- Ryan goes to ER for extreme pain. I find out, I have kidney stones.

2. Tuesday- Still in pain, have to finish 3 publications for print for work by end of day then by
end of work, realize I ate something I was allergic to. *I have never been allergic to any food before.

3. Wednesday- Back to only 4 people in entire office, 3 publications that were sent to printer all were corrupted files. Deadline not met. Went to work at gym, no clients yet.

4. Thursday- Wake up in morning to find body covered in hives, face swollen, yep, I ate something I'm allergic to, figured it out. Almonds. Go to gym, find out someone stole my IPOD mini from my gym bag. Did some investigating on a gut feeling I had, found out I was right about one of my friends. This just irked me because I like honesty and can't take when advice is given and not followed by the people who give it.

5. Friday- I CANT GET RASCAL FLATS OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!

Why Am I Hysterically Laughing?

2006-09-22T09:15:00.000-04:00

Seriously, just keep remembering this woman's reaction to this kid. Why did I fall off my chair?

Celebrity Look-Alike

2006-09-22T08:58:00.000-04:00

Sorry Dan, No Mario Lopez on this one.Go See Dan's Look-Alikes

IM BACK IN THE GAME

2006-09-22T07:42:00.000-04:00

Well I took some time away from blogging for a couple reasons, 1. Writer's block 2. Insanely busy and 3. None of your business LOL.

Well here we are now in September. My football team has now lost 2 games in a row within seconds of winning. Our record is now 2-2, "not to bad, but not good enough, as is life." that's the line I have told my players. After our first loss where we started to come back from behind to only be stopped by little mistakes we did, I took it pretty hard, thinking "was it me, was it my players, or was it just supposed to happen this way?"

Many of us who play, coach or know the game of football will often hear the cliche, football is like life. One of my favorite lines from a movie is from Any Given Sunday:

You find out life's this game of inches. And so is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small. I mean... One half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow too fast, you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this - in any fight, its the guy whose willing to die who's gonna win that inch. And I know if I'm going to have any life anymore, it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch. Because that's what living is! The 6 inches in front of your face... Now I can't make you do it. You've got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think you're gonna see a guy who will go that inch with you. You're gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it, you're gonna do the same for him. That's a team, gentlemen. And either we heal, now, as a team, or we will die, as individuals. That's football, guys. That's all it is. Now, what are you going to do? "

So I thought it was kind of appropriate that when I was questioning things in life along with my self evaluation, that, when I turned on the TV, this part in the movie happened to be on. I started to equate my friends, family, organization and all those around me as being part of my team in this game of life. Wondering who will go that extra inch with me and help drag me when I need that extra help. Who is able to look me right in the eyes and tell me the truth, be honest, and come right out with what they feel. Then and only then will I know who is really on my team in life and who is just another person trying to bring me down.

Sometimes decisions in life are not completed by the choices made by others, not the words that catch their hearts, no, sometimes decisions are made by the pure actions they show in their eyes, their body language and their actions when they think no one is watching.

O Grow Up

2006-08-18T14:20:00.000-04:00

In the past week I have heard a phrase used plenty of times by different people to myself and others. The phrase, "you need to grow up." Now when someone can give me the official definition of "being grown up" and the actions that come with it, please send my way. He is what I do not get.

We spend most of our childhood wishing we could grow up. Then when you become an adult, you wish you could be a child again. However as an adult you go have work, sometimes get some free time to yourself and in that free time you may try to find some time to have fun. However, there are still people who will say "you need to grow up". I asked someone what their vision of grown up was and they could not tell me. I think it is all a state of mind and is whatever you want it to be. I know plenty of grown ups who act like a child and are fun, I know others who are cold and no personality and I know some who know how to balance serious with play.

For all those who tell someone to grow up, maybe you should look at yourself. If you cannot have fun, then let it go. I know people who think drinking a martini, dressing up all the time and hanging up artwork makes them feel all "adult like" when it contradicts their very personalities and what they really are. Don't hide behind an image of some, when your truth will show through actions. Just because you want to act "rich" and that scenario is your vision of "grown up" doesn't mean that others around are buying that crap.

So I say, live your life, laugh at everything (especially yourself), don't take life to seriously and make fun of people who fall down stairs (as long as they get up). Other then that, get the stick out your ass and remember that just because your boring and lack personality, doesn't mean the rest of us have to accept it.

Yep... I can work with kids

2006-08-10T09:38:00.000-04:00

Thrilled the other day when after 2 weeks of emails when it should have taken 72 hours, I finally received my American Fitness Training of Athletics certification for Youth/Adolescent Fitness Trainer certification. Basically I am certified to train kids 5-17.

As for football, we are moving a long fast now that we have hitting. Started hitting yesterday and I won the bet that at least 5 kids will try to say they are hurt to not get hit. To bad no one wants to pay up, lol.

Ok that's it, short day

Fun With Spam Mail

2006-08-02T13:09:00.000-04:00

I decided to have a new thing I do with Spam mail. Make use of it in a little thing I call Spam Poetry. Here is what I have created from spam mail I recieved today.

You couldnt get a cash advance with bad credit
Never repay what you awe to creditors, legally
legally ERASE your creditcard debt
Increase your income with an online degree

Why do so many men all over the world choose Penis Enlarge Patch?
$1000 Ikea Gift Card
Put your healthcare career on track
All you need is a paycheck and checking account, and you can get an advance

Find out how much your car is worth
view photos of singles in your town
You could Getaway to Connecticut on Us
Get Payday Loans

- Ryan's Mailbox

People Crazy With Their Posts?

2006-08-02T11:06:00.000-04:00

Ok, so you read the title and leads you to read about their sometimes long winded posts (I am guilty sometimes) and in the end you have to kind of scratch your head, look at the screen and say, "did I just waste 2 hours of my reading this crap?" It is as if people are writting and at the time justifying their actions along with contradicting what they said happened and finishing it up with a self injected happy shot.

I read blogs all over the place, mainly because they entertain me and for some people it is to keep up with what is going on (sure a phone call would work, but seriously, reading is better, in fact its fundamental) and I always come across some (especially on myspace) that make me want to throw myself a flight of stairs.

Here is a sample o some things I read:
omg, life is so hard for me. Last week I got a job and then since this girl looked better then me in the uniform, I just had to quit. Seriously I will never find a job. Brad goes and leaves Wendy, and Wendy is mad at me for talking to brad and trying to make him feel better. He is a good kisser, but I don't care if she knows I kissed him it is not like she is with him you know? So now she is all mad at me. But you know in the end, I know life will turn around and I will be a better person. Remember, to always smile because you know never know who is falling in love with you.

SHOOT ME NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

The only other posts that make me annoyed are chain letter posts. Things you get in chain letters. I intentionally delete them from emails, why am I now seeing them in blogs. It is like I am being haunted!

Day 1 Done, Along With Some Fears

2006-08-02T07:53:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was the first day of practice. At first I like another coach had some reservations about putting the kids on the field in the heat. To our luck, the breeze picked up, the sun went behind the trees and the shadows gave us some much needed comfort.

I will not deny that as I saw more and more players joining my team, I had a fear of, "how the hell am I going to control close to 35, 8-10 yr olds". On top of this, the other thing going on in the back of my mind is how will these coaches, whom I had met 2 times during the summer, who had been under the original coach, react to my style and take on my coaching beliefs. See, I am what some people would call a "players coach." I, like to have fun, keep it light, but be strict.

When 8:30 pm came around and the kids were going home with play books in hand, half of my fears were settled. The kids did amazing and grasped the new formations and understood things faster then a year prior. The other coaches were in amazement to see that the kids could go on 2. This means for all you non-football fans (down-Set-Hut-hut).

The other half of my fear was thrown out this morning. I talked with one coach last night to go over positions of the kids, yet I knew I had 1 other coach of the 4 I have that I was not too sure on how he felt. In and email this morning he basically said he loved practice and the new ways it done. He especially liked the whistle, bc he feels like an official assistant coach. I do not know why, but that brought a huge smile to my face. To see that something so simple, so tiny an item, brought a bigger meaning to a coach in feeling like he was complete and really a part of the decision making.

And we are back

2006-07-31T13:59:00.000-04:00

Choices, Changes, Believing. 3 words I to live by. I believe you have to make choices, good or bad. Those choices will lead to major or minor changes, I do not think that you can do something that can not in some way, some how change something. Finally believing in what choices you have made.

For the first time in a long time, I looked in the mirror and recognized the face looking back at me. I knew I have seen it before, but not for a while. Through personal corruption, choices and outside influences, the image had always been of a stranger. Lately I have been finding myself again.

I have a lot going on right now. I got a second job as a personal trainer for a gym and I am their only trainer for right now. From what I am getting from them is that they are going to give me the opportunity to run their training program and become a supervisor. This would finally give me the leg up I need to make it bigger in a competitive field, with regards to getting clients. I am in the midst of creating a fitness bootcamp and an ABS class.

On top of this, I have been busy with coaching. Well preparing for coaching for the upcoming season. Practice starts tomorrow at 6pm. Unfortunately it will be close to 100 degrees tomorrow. I am hoping by 6pm that it will be cooler. I have a sense of nervousness and confidence. I am taking over a team which lost in the championship game last yr by 2 points. On top of our league does not have many players and the bulk of them are on the lower levels. I often hear that ,"the future of our program is on your shoulders." Now this would scare many people, only motivates me. I am just nervous because I feel there is a high expectation for this team to win it all and I do not want to be the one who makes the wrong choice in a game that may hurt our chances. However, do not get me wrong, with the coaches I have, the talent coming onto this team, I feel that we can take it all. My goal for the end of this season is Orlando Fl. For the Pop Warner Superbowl.

Take a Seat and Wait

2006-07-06T09:49:00.000-04:00

What is it about having to sit in a "waiting room" that makes people act funny. There are social rules for such a room.

If you want to talk to someone you are waiting with (family, friend) you have to lower your voice to a whisper when someone enters.
You sit with your head down looking at anything and everything you own. "I don't remember that spot getting on my shoe" or "I know he is going to tell me I need to lose weight, my thighs cover every inch of possible space, shit how I am getting out of this chair." Some people will grab magazines, but they aren't reading them, because I am sure the guy who grabbed "NJ BRIDE" really cares about that dress on page 123.
When someone enters through the front door, you have to look and see who it is. You really are doing one thing, guess what their ailment is. Will they get in before you? Are they going to sit in the seat next to you?
Why is it that people do not follow the rules guys follow for Urinals. If you have multiple chairs to choose from, do not sit next to someone you do not know, you MUST leave 1 chair open space. This should be followed even if you are with family and friends, to make sure you push others away.
When your name is not called to be next, you automatically look at the time. Even if it is one person after another going in and you KNOW that you were the last to come in. Yeah, you tried to lie about what time you came in when you signed your name, but they know. They always know.

I don't know what brought this thought on, but I was bored, NJ is closed and I felt like sharing. IF YOU WANT SHIRTS, MUGS, SIGNS WHATEVER DEALING WITH THE CLOSURE OF NJ, GO TO GIGGLECHICKS BLOG

Last Call At AC was at 8am

2006-07-05T10:10:00.000-04:00

Excuse Me... Pick Up Strategy

2006-06-13T13:08:00.000-04:00

So I have had a few strategies I have posted through the years (not all on this blog) and I think it is time for a new one. This one is perfect for some bars, but even better for if you are in a bar/restaurant. The key to this is also being cool with the bartender. Here is how it works.

You have your outgoing wingman. This person should preferably be taken, that way you know they will not really go in to kill your game. You sit close, but not at the bar. Look to see if there is anyone interesting coming in.

In this example, the person coming in is RED. When that person comes in, your wingman moves to the bar. This so that you are not actually seen drinking together. Every once in a while, they can come over and talk to you, so that you appear sociable.

After you discuss if this is the right type of girl and you find her to be attractive and not taken, make the move. Your wingman moves over to put some pretty bad moves on them. You then move to the bar, so that you can order a drink and sit there for a second. Wait till your person of interest makes that face of "o god help me." Ask the bartender for what they ordered to be made, explain you are going to be buying them a drink. Also, get your friend a drink to be placed at the bar in their spot.

Now is the big move. Suck it, its go time, or else your friend is about to go downtown. Go over to that person and excuse your friend. Say something clever. Either way you will have rewarded your friend with a drink. Apologize to the poor person who had to deal with that and have the bartender bring them a drink. Move and do whatever you have to now.

I can't guarantee it will work, but at least its a shot to get you the opportunity.

What Do Guys Want?

2006-06-13T08:14:00.000-04:00

can I ask your advise-. What is a guy looking for in a female? Looks? Brains? Sense o humor? Blow jobs? Money? Not just someone in their 20's but all ages, including the 40ish guy. What makes him fall in love and want to not lose the person from his life? What makes him fall out of love?I know this is a lot to ask and you aint dear abby, but maybe,just maybe you can shed some light since you know.
-thanksheartbroken in california

I got this comment yesterday. I first jumped up and down, because I received a comment, then sat and thought about it. At first I did not have the right words. However, this did not get me down, I went to my thinking room, yes the bathroom. I don't know why, but everything becomes clearer to me when in there.

First thing I would ask is, have you ever been in love and then ask, have you ever fallen out of love. It is always easy to question the feelings of others, when sometimes you have not experienced them yourself. I fortunately and unfortunately have found both. To be honest, the story with Dori and I is almost identical to your question.

We met through a HS dance, I went to a small school and if someone from the outside stepped onto my turf, I found them. She was with this idiot and I figured, hell if is she is with him, then there must me something wrong with her. We ran into each other by chance 2 other times. 1 time I tried talking to her and she ignored me and looked to the floor. Another was when she was with her bf and friends playing mini-golf. When we decided to meet up, I just got out of a long relationship with a girl I loved and her from one with an idiot, I was not looking for anything. I was honest with hr later on in telling her, I had every intention of playing her, because I was going to college in the fall. However I fell for her and shortly she broke up with me. I was "too nice". She was not used to a guy giving flowers, picking her up and treating her nice. About a month later, we were back. But that experience with her reasons to break up with me the first time, got to me. I thought, "maybe I am supposed to be that 'bad boy.'"

After being together for about 2-3 more yrs, I ended it. We fought more often and something was missing. I still loved her, but wasn't "in love" with her. It took me a while to find out what it was. We forgot to be friends when dating. We became consumed with things going on in our professional, collegiate and social lives, that we never paid attention to each other. This is why, I said, we were not dating when I popped the question. We filled that gap that was missing and things have been where they should have been. I will not lie, but I believe that time off opened my eyes to the world. I got to experience talking to many people and learning more about what people are really after. I have lost friends from them finding out I was getting married, simply because they wanted to screw me. This however I am finding is not uncommon.

As for falling in love and what people want. Well that is up to the person. However the only advice I would give from my personal experiences is, let go. Let go of the past, let go of the negatives and let go of anything that cannot happen. We all love to torment ourselves. If you had a bad experience, learn from it and let it go. The best way to go about everything is that this is today and today is a clean slate. You cannot change the past and you cannot hold the future to the past. Many people will take it against others who have nothing to do with the situations. Example. Many girls will be weary of all guys (ok) but then will not ven open up and try to give the guy a chance (not ok). They could be putting that "bitch" act up to protect themselves from some guys, but in reality, the women only need to protect themselves from themselves.

A great movie I would recommend watching, strictly for the basic look at human communication and basic wisdom is, HITCH. But to give you the insight how many guys and I mean many guys feel, here are some quotes from a scene in HITCH.

Albert: You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm, I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I, I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her.
Alex Hitch Hitchens: Look, you will. Just give it time.
Albert: That's just it. I don't want to. I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean, and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... Well, this is who I have to be.

A Paper Towel Holder?

2006-06-12T13:37:00.000-04:00

Was getting a drink with Dori and usually we will talk about random shit, like talking about the lovely rumors, jobs and sports. Why is it ok to all the sudden be having drinks and she starts talking about what kind of paper towel holder we should have? Then laundry baskets?!

WTF is going on? It feels like one sick joke.

OOO A Gift... Now What?

2006-06-09T07:04:00.000-04:00

Well, I got word we got some gift already. Its a toaster oven. Wow. Here is the convo:

D: "hey we got our first gift in the mail"
me: "Oh yeah? What is it?"
D: "a toaster oven"
me: "that's nice, but we still don't know where the hell we are living yet"

I would rather money really, but I guess the ability to make toast is good enough for me. Another 449 days to go of receiving toasters, knives, towels and crap. The excitement is killing me.

Where Are The Laughs?

2006-06-07T07:05:00.000-04:00

So I am in this flag football league for adults. We play tues nights and is often a night filled with jokes and just having a good time. Last night, our team had only 5 players (need minimum 7). The other team luckily only had 6 but picked up one of their friends from the stands to play. So one of the refs was looking to the sideline and saying, hey you can play for the black team (my team). I look over and start laughing because I told this person I would put them in the game if we were short and they should wear black. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it was Dori aka my fiance (from earlier posts on this blog you know the story).

She gets on the field and people are laughing because of the fact a girl is playing and she almost sacked the QB a few times. People start coming in from the lobby to watch this event and us just rolling on the ground laughing at how pathetic the game is going (because neither team was filled and everyone is just doing whatever). People in the stands shouting "give the girl the ball" and the refs threatening the orange team if they black the ball from her, he's throwing a flag (which he did often to them). However some people were so bent on trying to win the game and others are just out to have fun. I was a bit surprised though to see that my team, the team that doesn't care about winning, just having fun and joking around, was all the sudden starting to worry about winning. Not joking, not shouting "BLUM", just was getting fed up.

I mean eventually everyone fell on the ground when this one guy from the orange team, who has to be about 3oo lbs, only 5'5 and can't run really fast took over as QB, went to run in for a TD. We all let him get in and watched him dive. It was hysterical. Seriously, this was a game that should have been on camera. However, our team, the misfits as we call ourselves, made history. We were the first to put a girl on the field for football and she scored a TD in the game.

Life Is Like, Picking Your Nose

2006-05-12T13:25:00.000-04:00

So the title may have gotten your attention, however it makes sense to me. Go figure. However this concept came to me when driving my car. For the past week, I have seen more people picking their noses in their cars then ever. I know it is a bad allergy season, but could it be that bad. However, during this time I noticed different types of people and their reactions.

You have the people who will get caught and be embarrassed. Some who will just be oblivious to the world, however others are noticing heir actions. Some people do it, look at you and continue to do it. Then I started to think, where does their boogers go? Some will flick it to the world, some will just throw to the side, others wipe it on themselves and the seats. I then went further into my thinking. You have people who will dig deep and really work their nose to get rid of the problem, some will try a little and do stop, then you have the ones who will do the external attack and just rub the outside of the nose in hopes that it will jar anything inside loose. Do you think I was done? Nope. I came to think about what may have been pulled out. Was it colored? Bloody? Long and stringy? What about long, dry and painful?

So I then thought about how many situations happen in life, the choices you can make and how you can choose to react to them. You could have a minor to extreme situation going on. Sometimes I may mean you have to work hard and deep to fix the problem or it is as simple as a rub. You may have situations where if you are doing something that is unacceptable (at work for example), you are oblivious that others are noticing you and you continue to talk to people on myspace or read blogs. Yes, life is like picking your nose. So next time you see someone or you yourself are picking away, think, someone is going through the same actions in real life, as your finger works into your nose.

Repeat, "Change is Good"

2006-05-12T13:14:00.000-04:00

I was taking a look at Dan's Blog and was hysterically laughing at his post. It was about a speaker, those of us in Circle K International had grown to know so to speak. He is a motivational speaker and comic. I remember seeing him in Buffalo. It was his speech and performance that helped me find the words I was looking for. It was a single word, but this one word makes people cringe in fear. It is "change".

Dan gives the basics on what he is about:

"For those uninitiated folks, Jud is an "inspirational comedian". His mascot--Bob the Big Boy. Jud is on a campaign to have a picture of Bob the Big Boy in every country in the world. His message--Life is Change. And Jud is an expert at getting his message across through hilarious, yet powerful, stage shows. He is a good friend to the Kiwanis Family, and I've probably seen him speak and/or perform 5 or 6 times now. And I loved it every time.

While Jud's message and delivery alone are enough to put him in the upper echelon of speakers I've seen, Jud has a trademark close--The Evolution of Dance. The idea is that dancing, like life, has changed a lot over the years. Some changes were better than others. Jud sums it up this way; "Life may not always be the party we hoped for, but while we're here, we might as well dance."

So for your enjoyment, I have embedded the ending of Jud's performance and his trademark close:

Yes or No is Only Half of It

2006-05-05T11:45:00.000-04:00

You know when you see those perfect proposal shows, the guy has sweat running down his face? Yeah well now I understand why. There is a lot of pressure on guys when it comes to this whole process. Get the right ring, know the right things to say, ask father for permission, find a way to make it memorable.

I knew the answer was going to be yes, I however, when going through the process of the asking was a nervous wreck. I mean, yeah in my head I thought I was doing something memorable and different, but what if it was different for her? I also know of people who had asked their girlfriends and they were almost taken back by how cheesy, plain or un-original it was.

There are only so many tips that they give guys for engagements, besides ideas. They will tell you, it will not go perfectly, do not pick a certain date for it to be done outside (bc you can't plan weather) and just be yourself. What they do not tell you is that, no matter how prepared you are, how much you can know it will be yes, how perfect everything is going, when it comes to asking, your ass is going to want to pass out.

To all those who plan on doing it in the future, that is my only advice to you. Just be ready to be nervous, however, in the end, it is completely worth it.

Somebody's Getting Married

2006-05-04T08:02:00.000-04:00

Well this news will be coming as a shock to some and expected by others. So many people may be asking, since when did you have a girl friend? When were you dating? How? I will get to all of that in a second. However, I did ask Dori to marry me and sad to say, she said yes. LOL

Now for some of the questions. Basic history of Dori and I. She attended a High School dance of mine back in 1997 called the Snow Ball. We caught eyes, did not really talk, but I did question her date later about who she is. We crossed paths in the Mall and the miniature golf course over the year and never had a conversation. Eventually she found me on AOL and became friends. I was dating someone and she was too. After about 6 months of chatting online, the eventual end of relationships, we went on a date. Dated for roughly 3.5 years after that. Then we started to confuse everyone around us and ourselves at times. We did not get back together until ummmmm recently. However, we have always been close and became closer through the past couple years, closer then when were dating.

So many will be asking, why now? What is the change? Eventually you sit back and notice that a lot of the answers have been right in front of you the whole time. My friends Abiola, Darryl, Dan, family and others have said it for a long time that we would end up marrying each other. Though I was out to prove them all wrong, not always believing it myself, I finally came to see that I was happiest when we were together and that she makes me a better person. Among other things, she is one of the few people on the planet that can handle my sense of humor, knows my personal struggles and has always accepted me for me.

There will be some people who will feel happy for us and there will be people who will for one reason or another be jealous, upset or even pissed at one of us, my bet, it will be at me.

So Ryan, How Did You Pop The Question?
Being the person I am and not wanting to be too traditional with a dinner or something elaborate, I had to be sneaky, funny and different. I also kept to a joke I have said for over 9 years. I always said I would ask someone to marry me with a ring from a Cracker Jacks box and see how the girl would react. If she would say yes to a plastic ring, I would give the real one. So here is how it went down.

We will meet for lunch from time to time and I just got the ring on Tuesday. So I decided, like with most things I do, if I was going to do it, to just go and do it. I went and got a cracker jack box, took out the prize, opened it carefully and took out the sticker prize. I then wrote a note that asked her to marry me and folded it to fit into the prize wrapper. I then inserted the ring inside the note, sealed the package and placed it all in the box.

I joked about how I was given the box by a co-worker and that I knew that one prize was a sticker and she goes, "I would laugh if it was the same prize." I could not have asked for a more perfect set up. So I said I finally found the prize, and opened it. With a look of being upset that its the same prize, I said, "here you can have it" and handed her the note. When she looked at the note, she turned around and with a look of shock, I was on one knee and popped the question.

With that, I kept to my ability to get her off guard and make my father proud. Thank you to all my friends and family who know already and sent their emails, phone calls and IMs. To the rest who read this, I guess I will see how many people keep to talking to me. As one person said, you would be surprised who was a true friend for friendship vs those who only wanted more.

THAT'S IT! ANY QUESTIONS? ASK! IT IS OFFICIAL... I HAVE COMMITTED SINGLE LIFE SUICIDE.

Today A Day Without immigrants?

2006-05-01T08:50:00.000-04:00

hahahaha this could only be a dream come true, however all of them are still here. Here is my suggestion, do they want to prove what it would be like for a day? Have them all leave the country for the day.... And prove it! Go ahead... Only this time we lock the door.

My suggestion: Guns on the border, shoot anyone crossing on site, both borders.

Make them all have to speak English, sing the national anthem in English, no other language.

What I do not get is this. They are called "ILLEGAL ALIENS" key word, ILLEGAL! So if it is ok for them to do illegal things, lets all go up to them, bash their heads in and say hey "no habla engles". I hate this shit. grrrr

I say round them all up, send them out.... They come back illegally, shoot em. Do it right, stay the night.

Some Good Things Happening

2006-05-01T07:14:00.000-04:00

I just want to take some time to do what I have done in the past. Time to do some public congratulations.

Dion & Laurie: congrats on finally becoming officially engaged.
Dan: Congrats on bringing a FL girl to the City o Wind.
Lindsey: Congrats for attempting to survive 4 seasons of weather and not just 1.
Stephanie: Congrats for graduating
Cracka Ass Cracka: Congrats on your up and coming move to Arizona. NY won't be the same.
Jill: Congrats on coming back to M-Town. You have shown that there is no hope in leaving the clutches of our home town.
Dip: Congrats for not annoying me for 1 whole day. Really that is an accomplishment. lol
Congrats to the NJ Devils for sweeping the Rangers in round 1 of playoffs.
Congrats for Giants on having a semi-decent draft season.

Well that is it. If you have anything I missed, well I guess someone hasn't given me any info lately. LOL

Me and Death... Whatever

2006-04-30T20:33:00.000-04:00

So, I was in Florida 2 days after my grandfather goes into hospital. Living on the phone the whole time finding out what was going on. Then I was home to see him. I set up my grandmother's house to get it ready for hospice. Thurs night I had to leave for Vernon, NJ for a company event. Being with my mom this weekend (work), we were living on the cell keeping in check on events going back home. On Friday night, shortly after midnight, my phone starts to ring. I think 2 possibilities.
It is either Erica, my friend from Arizona calling with not remembering the Time-Zone difference or my aunt.

It was my aunt calling to let us know my grandfather had just passed away. My brother was there earlier that day and may had been one of the last people to hear him speak (briefly waking from a coma he fell into from the stroke the night b4).

Now we have the foundation laid down to as what happened. Here is where I found that I don't really feel guilty, but cannot find the words to express the odd feelings I have. I for the past couple of years have been numb to any feeling dealing with death. It just kind of rolls off me like "ok what's next, let's do it." I feel like I should be sad, but I'm not. I wish I could sympathize with people, but that even seems hard for me now. It is as if, that moment in life when I held my father as he died in my arms and witnessed the very end of my own innocence and was thrown to the wolves of uncertainty, that I lost emotion during death.

I do want to thank those who are strangers, friends and people who have stopped talking to me (for whatever reasons) on their words of kindness. Tomorrow we have the 2 viewings and then the funeral on Wed. I do not think I will be updating, but you will still see me online.

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

2006-04-27T10:35:00.000-04:00

Well for those who have sent well wishes or whatever about my grandfather, I thank you. Here is the scoop.

Well he has a huge tumor in his liver and he is not able to get any treatment. It is Cancer. They give him 6-9 months max with perfect nutrition, we hope it is longer. He is now home today, going to be doing hospice. I said hey, if I knew I wasn't going to be on this earth much longer, I would want to be home, live how I want, say what I have to say and then die peacefully with family around me, not in a hospital, possibly alone.

As for other news, I will be gone for a few days for work. I cannot wait for this convention to be over so that I could only have 900 things left to take care of in a few months. I need a vacation.

One of My Favorite Quotes

2006-04-26T11:24:00.000-04:00

Theodore Roosevelt said it best and I often look to this quote as to what I want to say to people everyday:

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

I'mmmmmm Baaaaaaccccckkkkkkkkkk

2006-04-26T07:02:00.000-04:00

Ok, wow it has been a while since I have done any quality update. Here is the low down. I just got back from West Palm Beach where I was to enjoy plenty of relaxation and sun. Well, I got plenty of sun (avg 88 and sunny everyday, while it rained in NJ hahaha) and enjoyed my relaxation, however there was the part I wish I could have not had to deal with.

Last week 2 days before my time to leave, my grandfather was rushed to the hospital and has not left. Most of my nights and afternoons where of me on my cell calling home to get updates. Long story short, my grandfather doesn't have many days left on this earth and it is sad to see the way things are going. I am not happy with the hospital he is at and they are shocking me with their sub-par treatment.

Now that will explain some of my absence. The other is from my theory on some people in my life. It is "Silence Reveals All". I was in the shower (as when most brilliant ideas come to mind) and found that many people who have played "victim" in their roles with me. Usually saying that I do not try hard enough to keep in touch or do not make attempts to jump on one let, patting my head with my right hand and rubbing my stomach with my left were really talking about themselves. I found that I was one who would talk through IM or random phone calls when in car or bored. <<<>

PS. GO DEVILS!!!!!! GAME 3 Tonight!

Silence Benefits All

2006-04-10T08:44:00.000-04:00

I have been in a sort of daze for the past couple of weeks. Trying to get myself set up for a second job, looking to the future, evaluating relationships and knowing that life is about my favorite word, change.

In recent weeks I have been thinking about relationships overall, with family, friends and so forth. Some days I can have a smile from ear to ear about the people I have met and the people I know and other times, I am often saddened by not only the loss of people in my life, but by my absence to really thank and let current people know how much they have impacted me.

I am not naive to think that with my silence from most of the world the past 2 weeks or so, that I have somewhat damaged some friendships, however sometimes silence reveals more and heals some. Time and changes coming along the way will reveal more.

During my time away from most, I came to realize one main thing. Sometimes your past is your future.

Some Facts on Organ Donation

2006-04-07T10:38:00.000-04:00

· Today, there are close to 90,000 Americans registered with the United Network for Organ Sharing on transplant waiting lists.

· Every year, an estimated 6,000 people die while waiting for organ transplants.

· In 1988, 4,080 people donated organs after death. In 2004, that number has nearly doubled to 7,150.

· Organ donation occurred in only .0025% of all deaths in the United States.

· One individual who donates after death can provide organs, corneas, skin, bone and tissue for 50 or more people in need.

· In 2004, there were 27,033 organ transplants performed in the United States.

· An estimated 220,000 Americans are treated with transplanted bone and tissue each year. Tissues include tendons and ligaments, skin used to treat burns, heart valves and eye corneas.

· About 46,000 cornea transplants are performed annually, with more than 5,000 people waiting for donated corneas.

· The largest number of children who need organ transplants are waiting for kidney donations. Approximately 13% of patients on the national kidney waiting list are children less than 18 years of age. Almost 1% are age five and under.

· Almost 44% of people waiting for organ transplants are between the ages of 18 and 49.

· By gender, 57% of Americans waiting for donated organs are male; 43% are female.

· African-Americans, who represent 27% of the national population, receive more than 40% of all kidney transplants. Because of specific medical conditions, including diabetes and high blood pressure, African-Americans suffer a disproportionately high rate of End Stage Renal Disease (kidney failure). There are currently more than 24,000 African Americans waiting for kidney or kidney-pancreas transplants nationwide.

· Survival rates for organ recipients continue to rise. The one year survival rate for kidney recipients is 95%, for heart recipients, 85%, for liver recipients, 77%, and for pancreas recipients, almost 77%. Between 1996 and 2001, one year survival rates for lung recipients increased by almost 34%.

· There is no cost to be an organ and tissue donor. Donation is a gift

If You Don't Watch You, You'll Get Bit

2006-03-29T08:23:00.000-05:00

The other day I ended up going to the gym late because I was applying for a personal trainer position at a gym where my friend works at. Now me, being of sound mind, was going to take it as a day to not lift and have a day off. However I do not like missing days I did not plan to miss, so I ended up going.

Now, for those who do not know me, I'm a very time conscious person. I have internal schedules I live by and when my time is off, I get flustered. (I am working on this). However I digress. I enter the gym when I usually am leaving and people are all surprised I'm there later then usual. So I am talking to some fellow trainers and guys I lift with when we notice some guy keeps walking through bumping shoulders with some of us. Now once or twice is fine, because we figured he was passing through and was not enough room. However when it happened to me in the middle of the room with space all around me, I had to say something. Took off my headphones, go to him and say "you have problem?" his answer was so hysterical I literally had to hold myself up from laughing so hard. He goes, "yeah, from 6-8, this is usually my gym, I'm the top dog in here, I don't need you and your people coming in here and talking and showing me up." A couple of my friends heard and started to laugh as well. I told him,"hey better get used to a few 'top dogs' in the same place, because if your not careful, someone will get bit." With that, we all went about your business.

Karma is a funny thing. He goes to lift semi-heavy and cant get it all the way up. No one wanted to help him because he was a dick, however 2 of us went over and helped. As we walked away, I made a comment. "I guess his ego is shot now, because he didn't look like a top dog to me."

ahhh I love the gym

Donor Video (My Story)

2006-03-28T12:35:00.000-05:00

In college I was often known to lead conversations in my communication classes when having Dr. Harrison as a professor. He knew my story and also asked for my help in research and promotion with the search for a major grant from the government.

He wanted to know if he could use my story with my father for a national education using technology conference. He sent me the video and I want to share the link. I will be honest when I say you have to be patient with the loading, it is a very large file, but worth it. Thanks

The Video

Then...We Remember

2006-03-28T08:24:00.000-05:00

Why is when you least expect it, something makes you hear yourself speak. You hear how you sound and at that moment you know, "this isn't me." You even sit back and come out of this hypnosis and see the actions you have done in recent past and know, that you would not even want to talk to yourself. Eventually you remember where you came from. What made you who you are and who you should and could be. We all have our moment in life that "changed" us. Many will know mine, I make it very obvious, open and will shout it from the mountains. I will admit at times, I do change and in recent times, I have had a lot on my mind and sometimes when you think you may have made mistakes, you haven't, you just have situations you have to find answers to.

The very reason is also why I changed the banner for this month and my focus for this month (that will be mixed with my normal writing). My father who passed, was an organ donor. He taught me a lot in death as he did in life. I had the opportunity to learn more about and become a part of THE SHARING NETWORK. This is for NJ donor recipients and donor families. My family and I were invited to join in the many other families in the creation of the Donor Quilt. To my surprise, the block in which my family created, was featured in magazines.

However during the month of April, I plan on just posting facts, links and information on Organ Donation. A lot of it is to ease the fears and myths. I will not push someone to do anything, I will not try and sell it, but I will provide facts. Coming from a family who lost a father, best friend, hero and role model 2 days before Christmas, it means a lot to make sure people know the truth. My father was able to give 5 families a Merry Christmas, while we worked on funeral arrangements. However, we felt he lived on, and heard from 2 of the donor recipients.

Seeing Double?

2006-03-24T07:46:00.000-05:00

According to Debra Lafave (woman who sexually molested a boy and had charges dropped in her second case) there are no double standards with men and women in this kind of situation. I would have to say she really is nuts, because if it was a man, he would be in jail for 5yrs to life. However it is not just in this case that I have noticed it. It is in everyday life. Let me give some examples:

Cheating
- if a guy is caught cheating on his girlfriend, he is an ass, a worthless p.o.s, he should be thrown to the streets and will forever have to feel the wrath of the world.
- Make a girl doing this and you hears, well the guy is dating deserves it. He was prob treating her bad and she needed to go find something better or experience better.

Not a soul to wonder what if she really is a slut or just a terrible person. I am not saying that the guy was right in the situation, however how is it so easy to let the female be the victim? Seriously, the likely hood of a woman cheating is a lot higher then a guy. For one reason, girls get away with everything. Put on the tears, act like the victim and bam! Your free.

Multiple Sex Partners
Well this is a hot topic. Many still believe if a guy sleeps with a lot of girls that he is somehow "the man". At the same time if it was a woman, she would be looked at as a "slut". I would have to say that this has slowly become more equal. I see more and more guys not admiring guys who love to sleep around and well same for the women as well. In today's age of "hey what disease you have this week?" who wants someone who slept with a whole town?

Off this whole Male Vs Female Topic.... I have a double standard for the Gym

Gym Rat

I was joking with someone at the gym the other day. During the time they say, "man your a gym rat aren't you, I see you here all the time." So, to clarify the situation, I ask, "so are you saying your a gym rat?" looking confused they say,"no I was saying you are, because I always see you here."

After staring at them for a few seconds, I go, "if you are calling me a gym rat for always being here, because YOU always see me here, would that not mean you are a "gym rat"(insert quote things with hands) as well?" They go, "no, because all I do is cardio and get out here"... Shook my head, walking away saying "you really are an idiot aren't you?"

So, even though this was my cardio week, and yes usually I could be seen with the weights in hand that makes me a gym rat because I'm in the gym working out. However, this guy, comes in, just does his workout (cardio) but does not pick up weights does not make him one.... Interesting

Hey Remember Me?

2006-03-23T11:32:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack in posting, like many people the past weekend and a half has been crazy. I have a few updates on some things and I promise I will be back to my blogging self.

- This past week I had to take over the Company magazine. This meant designing, layout and edit. I was apprehensive at first, but got right into it. The publication goes nationally to heads of companies, legislatures and other subscribers. I cut production time down by 3 days and saved the company a couple thousand dollars.

- Pop Warner wise, I am now working on my coaching staff, what my offense and defense will be and setting standards for first week of practice. I also re-designed the website. Take a look www.metuchenpopwarner.com

- I am looking to become a trainer at a new gym opening by my office, I am hoping I can get it, could use the extra money

- Last week bought a new car. Its a White, 2000 Blazer. I am very very very happy

- Recent weeks have led me to start really thinking about what I want to do in this stage of life. I am at the my agenda point of 26-30 yrs old. Expect the unexpected

SPEAK UP!

2006-03-17T12:40:00.000-05:00

In recent weeks on NJ.Com in the web-forums aka message boards, there have been an abnormal about of postings that have been deleted. Through investigation members of forums came to find that you could mark a post as "inappropriate" and that would delete everything in that section of conversations. My town has been deleted multiple times and deleting almost months of information which have talked about our Mayor, some of the problems in town and all those start to disappear.

I will not give info on the creator or to what extent I know of the back ground info of a site that recently opened up. It is called MetuchenTalk.Com. It was originally opened up as a bulletin board for members of the community to go to and post and not worry about posts being deleted mysteriously. This has however grown to be more, and offer more to the people of the small town.

However, let me say that if it was someone in the mayor's office, someone who is just angry with open discussion or an idiot just trying to create problems on NJ.Com's Forums, they helped spawn something which may be better for the community.

The main site has links to places in town, open for information to be posted, A message board, a chat room and RSS Feeds from a local paper. There is a lot more that can be done to this site and I look forward to see what will come of it.

Random Updates

2006-03-13T07:44:00.000-05:00

Well let me give some random updates on what has been going on. For the past week I have been getting over a bad case of bronchitis. I thought I was getting better from a regular cold and then thurs afternoon driving my mom back from Trenton (she had knee surgery last week so couldn't drive) I started to get a sever headache, barely could breathe and coughing beyond belief. At one point I swore I was going to pass out. However I was able to get to the doctor and he said it was getting bad. Since then I have been on some kind of super antibiotic which has made my life hell. LOL

Some people were not happy I was sick and canceled events, O well, they will get over it. However I have not hit the gym since wed of last week. So me being the fitness fanatic I am, I have been in a personal hell. Today I get to return.

Speaking of working out, a few people have requested workouts from me. Mostly have given out ab workouts, I am waiting for results.

POP WARNER UPDATE: I will now be the head coach of the 8,9,10 yr old team. As sad as I am to leave my boys from last year, this will be a positive change for the organization as a whole.

Other then all that, nothing much is new and I plan to get back to my regularly scheduled blogging program.

YOU ARE THAT PERSON!

2006-03-06T13:05:00.000-05:00

Everyone has a role in the group of people they hang with, associate with or just happen to come across. You most likely do not even know your role. Some roles some people play are:

The Ugly One - Every group has the one ugly person. For some girls, they have a certain group of friends who are less attractive then her, which makes her the center of attention. However, in the case of a group of random people, there is always one really ugly person. However somehow they have someone in their love life and others are jealous of that.

LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME - The person who needs to be the center of attention. Wait, did you try to finish a story and they just interrupted 3 times to give their own story. Everyone looks around like "wtf is this persons issue." Many will ignore it, as for others, the sense of sarcasm takes over and will set this person up to just ramble about anything end everything.

OH No, Its Them - You know that person you try to hide plans from and yet they always seem to find out. Worse they are the person who you try to avoid at the bar or some social event in hopes of them not seeing you. You know how they will come over and leach on. The second they walk away, you and tour friends talk shit on them.

Tell it To Someone That Cares - the person who no matter how great a night is sulking and complaining about everything and anything in their life. It does not have to be anything about the situation at hand. Did they step on a bug earlier that day and brought up terrible memories about a pet beetle that died? They will let you and everyone know. Perfect way for them to try and get that sympathy attention.

Slutty Slut Slut - It moves and is a living, breathing human, they are on top of that. All about the touchy feely and trying to get as much action as possible. They brag about their achievements in bed with hopes they could make you their next happy customer. Flirting is fine, however selling yourself to people just to get ass is another. They will wear almost nothing or will try and have people feel up on them or worse will try and rub hands down the back on legs.

Most likely you know someone that fits that criteria. If you say "o there is no one in our group like that," it most likely means YOUR THAT PERSON!

What is it About Pick-up Lines?

2006-02-28T13:58:00.000-05:00

Ever notice, like a bad kiss you can remember some terrible pick-up lines? Why is that? To dive even deeper into this, why does it seem to work on people? Ok, the standard answer will always be, "bc it gets my attention" or "its different". No, here is the reason, because they actually came up to you. See, myself would suffer from fear of rejection. I don't like it, I won't deal with it. However some people get rejected all the time and just keep going at it. This is great for them. That is how the following equation all adds up. Ugly + Beautiful = Couple. It is that easy.

However I do enjoy pick-up lines and here are few (Dan, some will blow yours away):
To the Point
- Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
- I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
- If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
- I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
- Do you wanna have kids with me??? No? Then do you just wanna practice?
The Interesting
- Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!
- Is your name Gillette? ...Because you're the best a man can get.
- True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place
- You make me so nervous and flustered, I've completely forgotten my standard pick-up line.
- Have I seen you before? OH yeah it was in the dictionary under the word KABLAM!!!
The Slick and not surprised if it worked
- I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
- Be unique and different, say yes.

Now I have only witnessed a few really be used and work and I have had a few said to me. Usually I used to get "are you legs tired? Because you been running through my mind all night". C'mon people I know you talked about the terrible kisses what about the pick-up lines?

Your Worst Kiss?!

2006-02-24T09:36:00.000-05:00

First off, sorry for the delay in updating, had my bday weekend and then got lazy, what can I say? However, through some general conversations on AIM and MySpace messages, I thought I would ask people, what is your worst kiss you have ever had?

I started to laugh because I can think of some which were TERRIBLE! I am however like a Sienfeld Episode, always categorizing people. I definitely categories the types of kissers.

The Snake- the person who doesn't open their mouth or very little and just stick their tongue out and in every few seconds

The Dead Snake- similar to above, however they seem to sick their tongue out, but do not move it at all! It just lays there... And you think... What am I supposed to do?

The Driller- This person gets involved, however feels it is their job to clean out your mouth and throat while kissing. They shove their tongue all the way in and move it around. They just dive right in and don't let you do much because you are fighting to breathe.

Face Swallower- You know usually when you kiss, you have the lips on lips? This person likes to include the whole face and nose in 1 mouth opening. Seriously thinking you have to match them and know you cannot open your mouth as wide. For a guy its reassuring to know she can get her mouth that wide (::SLAP:: I did it for you ladies). However this leads to drool. Which like at a dentist when they don't do enough suction can suck when it goes down your chin and onto your shirt.

The Pecker - They never completely go for a full kiss.... They will just peck you to death. They peck your lips, neck and ears, but I swear they do not have a tongue or know how to lock lips for more then 1 second.

So I know some of you have had bad kisses or types of kissers. What do you all have?

One Month Huh?

2006-02-16T12:42:00.000-05:00

I do not know why I get so annoyed at it, but why do some people celebrate "monthly anniversaries"? Especially 1 month! See I would not have been set off by this, if I didn't come across a profile on my MySpace which has this as the girls title:

I think if you are celebrating 1 month, you will have a terrible relationship, especially if I was the bf. Why? It is showing your celebration for such a small time frame. You are showing you have a hard time making it this far. Its like "OMG, let go look at rings, because we talk online all the time and see each other maybe 2 times a week"

Listen, I firmly believe there are a few stages in a relationship (normal ones where you see the person)

1-3 Months - Honeymoon, everyone is happy, maybe have a few arguments here. However usually in 1 month you decide if this will go for another 2 months.

3-6 Months - Testing the waters on this person. You may have some spats and wanting to kill them, however this is where you are really getting to know the REAL person.

6-9 Months- Hopefully it is not only about sex. However this is what I call the fight or flight time. Are you goin to stik around and waste your time or is there something really there.

9-12 Months- hey what the hell you made it this far, lets start getting ready for 1 yr celebration (this is ok). Start to think to self, hell if anything, lets just make the yr.

Start most of cycle over again, however there is more talk of a solid future, trust is challenged and people get neurotic. Girls talk marriage, guys fear freedom. Either way, its a fun ride.

JUST DON'T CELEBRATE ANYTHING UNDER A YR, ITS A FUCKING JOKE! Thank you... Plus it saves money.

My Valentines Day Positive Post From A Single Guy

2006-02-14T10:41:00.000-05:00

"So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows... But what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you're enjoying your life, and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them."- The movie HITCH

Today lovers, people seeking love, and those who have been burned by the ones they loved or have given up all together will in one way or another celebrate. A day which has created much animosity towards those couples who are out, holding hands and giving roses and cards. Sharing deep glances into their other's eyes and getting lost in the moment. They are in their own world, yet the show and object of many other's jealousy.

Many hate the day, because they like myself feel it is fake. It was created by Hallmark. However, I do realize the small token of having it. Remember when you were in school and you gave valentines cards or the little conversation hearts? You would be eager to see what you got, however even more so to see who liked what you gave them. Some were the simple Superman and carebear ones, and some where hand made, however everyone seem to get one. Either way you gave someone a little something to know they were thought of and appreciated. Were you ever the one who did not receive one? It was then, when we were at our most innocent times and often eager to give to the others in class, that we saw the true meaning. It was simply showing them you appreciated them.

As much as I am not always a fan of the day, I do not get jealous of those who are celebrating their love. I do not think the flowers and candy are the main ways to show they love someone. This being that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. No, I look for the people who are married over 20 + years and look to the old couples, who many are in awe of when they walk hand in hand in a park. How do they do it? Was it that rose he bought her years ago? I doubt it, but I bet he lets her know how much she means to him and she does the same.

For those who are extreme anti-Valentines day, you will not remember these feelings when you are head over heels in love. You will prob laugh at those who "were once like you" and say there is hope. My advice is, there are people you care about who would love a card or a phone call just knowing you are thinking about them. Their reaction to that would be like that of grade school. Knowing they appreciated the fact that you were thinking of them. How in less then 2 months do we go from all about giving, to being all about receiving?

For All The Rest Of The Single World, Looking For Cupid

2006-02-14T10:28:00.000-05:00

Don't worry, I already killed the BASTARD!

Hmmm Freedom Of Speech??? Not if Crazy Muslims Have Their Way

2006-02-09T11:20:00.000-05:00

Seems like freedom of speech is not allowed in free countries if some angry Muslims have their ways. I say, "hey if you can go and print shit about America, Britain, Other countries, threaten Israel, mock the holocaust, then deal with it" I think what they need to do in Iran, Syria and everywhere else is teach them to read. Like Hooked On Phonics for Crazy Muslims, so they can actually read the Koran.

What makes this whole thing funny, well sad really, is that the guy who stirred this all up, created false cartoons, then after the artist made an apology from the DANISH paper, these crazies are now going after the Jews. I say every fucker who is protesting and talking shit, should be shot on site. This would cure a lot of problems. Like I said before, when the terrorists are having their parades in their cities, we fire hell fire missiles on their asses.

This is one guy in London who wants to protest, but wants that freedom to go to hell. WTG there genius:

He looks like a native English man.

I have found the cartoons that are part of this outrage. Go here for the complete list of them http://blog.newspaperindex.com/2005/12/10/un-to-investigate-jyllands-posten-racism/

Here is one:

This Was Created By An Adult

2006-02-09T10:04:00.000-05:00

You tell me if you see something here (picture below). Trying to make a statement on their dislike for the Hallmark Day of Crap. As you can tell, I'm not a fan of the day of fakeness, but even a lesser fan of those who comment on those who do celebrate it with each other. The complainers who say how they hate those people. Shut up, your jealous. I hate it bc $20 Roses are now $200 and what do I get in return? The glory of losing money? I hate to say it, but girls who complain about getting sexxy underwear along with the dinner and flowers and candy, should shut it.... The guy is simply asking for something for him. LOL

However the real reason for this post is this picture. See if you can spot this genius's work.

Vest Guy- The Sighting Is Caught

2006-02-09T07:33:00.000-05:00

Well as promised, I said I would get you all a pic of this creature. I have. Be it that it is blury, you can see his trademark red shorts, white shirt and black vest. I tried not to get to close for fear that the smell would kill me.

The Best Commercial in Recent Years. After Sep. 11

2006-02-06T10:25:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite and many other's favorite Super Bowl Commercials of our time is the Budweiser one after 9-11 with the clydesdale horses going to a knee looking over to Manhattan. There was nothing in this commercial that said buy this beer. It was very very very tastefully done and many shot it down. So to give it another shot at being seen, click the link below.

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2419141

Super Bowl XL... Had XL Commercials

2006-02-06T08:47:00.000-05:00

The game was boring most of the time, other parts it got interesting. I will admit though, for the first time in a long time, about 75% of the commercials were quality.

I loved the Clydesdale commercial along with the hidden Bud Lights the best. Some have ranked the Fed Ex one up high, I don't think so. I was a fan of the Sprint Locker Room commercial because of the security feature. That is what made it move onto my list. I love monkeys, they make me laugh so you know a monkey smoking and burning money was going to be a favorite of mine. I am going to list my Favorite commercials in order. (to view the commercials online, go to: ifilm.com/superbowl)If you play these and they do not stop playing, just refresh page

1. Budweiser: Clydesdale American Dream

2. Hidden Bud Lights

3. Ameriquest Mortgage Co: That Killed Him

4. CareerBuilder: Monkey Party

5. Sprint: Locker Room

6. FedEx: Caveman

7. Michelob Ultra: Touch Football

8. Budweiser: Superfan (streaker)

The Commercials that sucked! I have to admit, some of them sucked bigtime. Especially the car commercials. Here are the rest. My brother and I could not be nice during the Self Esteem Commercial. The Gillette one took forever to know it was about a razor, reminded me of the 1984 Apple Commercial. Burger King just freaked me out and Pepsi tried way to hard.
1. Dove Self-Esteem
2. Hummer
3. Burger King
4. Pizza Hut
5. Pepsi

=/ hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

2006-02-02T10:12:00.000-05:00

yeah I would write something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldnt be my style. Since I am completely brain dead right now, I will get back to ya with a better posting.

Complete Randomness

2006-01-27T11:25:00.000-05:00

As usually I was in the shower and many thoughts came to mind. I find when I'm in the shower that I am bombarded by information from the cosmos that many do not think of.

* You know when people are asked, "if you could meet with anyone famous, living or dead who would it be and why?" I thought, well why the hell would they want to eat lunch with you? What makes you so special, for them to take time out from heavenly charades or some movie shoot to meet with you? Then what about the real irony if they were complete opposite of what they are like. For instance. Most guys will say they want to meet Vince Lombardy, what if they meet him and hes like "you know I don't really like football, lets talk about a rose garden or something."

* Did you know that a Kangaroo is a relative of the rabbit? Kind of reminds me of a T-Rex of rabbits. Small arms, huge body. I could imagine how it was created. T-Rex is all mad because he cant ever touch himself. You know he's frustrated sometimes. Rabbit comes along "why what's wrong?" he goes "I cant touch myself and I need loving" rabbit thinking she has a solution. "ill take care of you if you promise not to eat me" Well he goes ok.... Gives his love juice and Pop comes a Kangaroo

* I often believe that our pets are in charge of us. We throw them toys for their enjoyment, we clean up their crap, we feed them and we give them places to live. Hmmmmmm who is the pet?

* This hit me when I recently heard how boys are not scoring a lot lower in school then girls. This has been a steady increase and some say it is because girls mature faster. I agree. They look better faster, they are smarter younger, but for checks and balances purposes, when guys catch up, girls go backwards. They start to go insane at least 1 week a month, they start to lose their bodies and start to like the bad guys and leave the good ones. While the guys start to get better looking and smart enough to know and remember the girls who screwed them. However at a certain point it all evens out and you have the mix we have today. Just look at Jerry Springer and Maury. LOL

My Quarterlife Crisis... Make It Stop!

2006-01-24T09:31:00.000-05:00

Imagine this: you are in your mid-20s, graduated college and still trying to figure out the world. You have a job and what most may look as a pretty decent life. However in your mind, you are in a prison and are constantly being whipped by your fears, your internal enemies and you cannot do anything about it.
This is what my days and nights have been like for the past couple days. I have joked before about going through a Quarter Life Crisis, this time is no joke.

I was just going through a normal day and it was suprisingly well. Then all the sudden I found myself getting really pissed off. I was starting to go through situations and conversations in my head with people close to me and I was reacting to them. ( I would explain these, but now know people close to my family and actual family members read my blog).

Then I started to realize little things that people have said to me and I have said to myself, these things grew to be big deals, to the point I had to stop what I was doing and walk away. Then from that point on, everything is like a vice grip on my brain, squeezing my anxiety out and pushing my stress meter to explode. I has gotten so bad that at random times I just break down, sitting there feeling like I cannot get away from the thoughts and my anger at myself and others.

Like right now, I feel a sense of tension, because I have to watch what I write. I do not like being controlled or feeling like I have no control of my life or situations. Why should I feel like I have to walk on egg shells because some people are too fucking nosy to have to feel they need to read my blog. This was my release and now I will have to try and find another one or until I figure their IPs so that I can block them.

However some may be still confused about what I could be haunted by and what I could be thinking about. Simply I am not happy with where I am in life, I am not where I thought I would be, where I know I could be, I look to the future and know how things happening now will only continue to hurt me into the future. I feel like I made one to many mistakes along the way and now I even question my abilities.

Breakingpoint Coming

2006-01-22T08:30:00.000-05:00

In short... I think I am about to have a nervous breakdown. My mind if fucking with me and taking over my thoughts and putting situations in place to only make me want to punch someone.

The Gym: An Abyss of Human Comedy

2006-01-20T09:35:00.000-05:00

Well some people seem to really enjoy the gym stories (Lindsey and wanting to know about the vest guy everyday).

Face it, you are going to run into all types of people no matter where you go. However, I feel that at the gym is where you will find some of the broadest specimens of humans on this planet. There are all types of people, beyond the smelly ones, old naked guys and needle shooters.

The sweat rag: It is amazing how many times you go to the gym, see the same people and some people just look the same. They could be there for years, working hard and not look like they lose a pound, however they are drenched in sweat. Seriously are dripping sweat from even their sneakers. I think they could walk around and all you would here is ::squish:: ::squish:: like the sounds of just getting in from the rain and walking into a food store, where you do whatever you can for 5 min to stop that damn sound. There was once a guy there who would carry about his own beach towel. Never knew why, because I was always leaving when he came in. I stayed late one day and all I can say was, you would have thought he jumped in the pool and jumped out.

Wanna Be Personal Trainer: Now, I will admit, before I got my certification, I would help people on form and give tips. This came from my background at GNC and lifting since HS, you learn certain things. However, I am talking about the guy who comes to you and starts trying to give you tips and so forth. You try to be nice and say thanks and go about your business, but he is persistent and wants to help you. But you go into your memory bank of people you never want to spot you in fear that you lift something heavy and might not be able to finish a set and this is the guy who was on the list. HE WAS #1. This guy can't do 1 pushup, never does anything right and is now telling you what to do. Fastest way to get rid of them is ask "o so your certified?" they say no. If you are or not just say, "o because my certification says I'm right."

The Bitch: O yes, the women at the gym are not off limits. I am impressed if a woman will come into the free weight area since many look at that as the "land of the apes". But no, I am talking about the women who, like some men, think since they came in the room or near that equipment, that everything needs to stop and go their way. Imagine a guy doing some heavy weight. Been in the same spot for 5 min, has 1 set to go. Gets up to get a drink and returns only to find someone throwing his stuff to the side and someone jumping on. O yes people, this happens. People told her that someone was there and using the equipment. Her answer "well he is not here right now, so I am taking it", WRONG ANSWER! This was taken care of really fast. Saw where she put her purse, went and picked it up. Said "well your not here using it, so its mine now." She gets up, guy jumps back on equipment. PRICELESS. However, I witnessed another Diva. On the elliptical and watching ESPN, someone else was watching Judge Joe Brown and another TV was like Martha Living or something. Well this woman comes over with a staff member and is like, "change this TV to channel 7 so I can watch Oprah." Staff member asks people if they are watching the TV, Judge Joe Brown woman says she is watching it and then as they are going to change the TV I was looking at, I go "watching it, don't even think about it" and she had a fit. I did cardio a lil longer that day.

P.S. Vest Guy was not in the gym yesterday, but there was sighting on Wed when I did not go in. People are trying to obtain pictures of this mysterious human

Its a Smelly World

2006-01-18T09:59:00.000-05:00

I am haunted by bad smells everyday.

You have my office manager who could kill you in one breath. I swear acid agents could not take the smell away. Imagine taking your morning breath add a garlic after taste, 3 cartons of cigarettes and a rotting animal on the road in 1 person's mouth and that is what you got.

What I do not get is like many who have terrible breaths, they have to be close talkers. Those people make me nuts to begin with. However when she comes to talk to me at my desk, I hold my breath for a long period of time. Sometimes I turn beat red and have to breath. This is when I pass out.

Next you have the Vest guy at the gym. He continues to make some of the non-showering Indians smell like roses. As an attempt to make a point, one girl at the gym, pulled out of her gym bag a bottle of Febreeze. I basically told her that I now bow down to her for doing what she did. Here is the scenario. He passes by while me and her are talking. Of course we already heard the warnings, "guys the vest guy is here today" and we went about our business. She goes, that's it, gets her gym bag, pulls out the bottle and walks his way with a towel. Lies next to him on the mats (she hates her life we guess) and says "I'm sorry, I have this quirky thing that I need to spray this, I hope you don't mind" of course he lets her... However, when he turns his back, she sprayed his vest. Then got up and left.

Last but not least is a sad one. My Dog BJ. He is a smelly dog in his old age. Its his breath. I have tried everything from giving him toothpaste, bones and other things to clean the bad breath. I guess I can only be happy he doesn't like to lick people. But god help you if you lay near him and he yawns.

Hoping The Past Isn't My Future

2006-01-18T09:23:00.000-05:00

Well after saying to myself, "Ryan, you will go to this meeting, be formally put in as the webmaster and part of the board of directors and go about your business." I think many know as well as I do that this wasn't going to end that way. I walked into the meeting at 7:30 as a Head Coach and unofficial webmaster walked out at 9:45 as a Head Coach, Webmaster and Fundraising Chairman. YAY for me right? LOL

I enjoy the work and it isn't much really, however a little fear came over me. What if the same things happen to me as they did in Circle K. For those who do not know, Circle K international is a collegiate service organization. At the club level it is amazing and make a huge difference. As you move on, the politics take over and no matter what good you do, there are the evils trying to bring you down. In CKI I went from club president all the way to International Vice-President. Though when I was I-VP, I could care less about anything really, I just wanted to graduate college. It was Governor when the nightmare happened.

Imagine knowing that you are taking a position in an organization in chaos. You had the axis of evil aka the click and then the members. I never wanted to be in the click I only wanted to destroy them. I was elected into office bc as many said, I was the right person to give the District a kick in the ass. Yap, I beat out Scott and Lauren (2 people who failed miserably trying to bring me down in the election, Scott who will later lose at international and district governor yet again). However, I brought on a lot of people who I did not like, but had skills I could use on the board to get my goals achieved. I know Dennis a Kiwanis kiss ass who talked more shit behind people's backs then anyone and later tried to act like all was well and blame college kids for some of the drama he created, wanted me out. Tom was jealous, Michele was an idiot and had no common sense. I had a great Editor who later had to be let go, he was definitely one of my favorite board members ever, since we were both crazy. I had an LTG who left for personal reasons and seems like the friendship went with it. She was good and liked by everyone. Had a lot of potential and still does. I took on a kid who many did not think would succeed and gave him an opportunity to shine, he is now the Governor. Funny though how people forget who helped them and gave them chances. Power Corrupts. However, I did have a major ally on the board and still my best friend who did amazing things in her areas and later became Governor. Shut a lot of people up when you succeed when others try to bring you down.

However after all the drama, the hard decisions, going against popular belief, the membership rose, more community service was done, higher turnouts at events and guess what, many were not happy. Was not because they did not see the results, they all did, because I made sure credit was given to where it was due. This made them have to accept their role on a board that did do good things. No they were upset because it was not them in office, that things did not go their way it was simply about them, not the members.

This (after that long monologue) leads me to this fear. What if this board forgets its about the kids. It is not a hidden problem that the politics in this organization has torn it apart and hurt it in many ways. We have an uphill battle and I do not know all the players in this drama yet. We shall see, but like I did before, I will move on doing the right thing and not forget who it is about. Unlike: Scott, Dennis, Tom, Mike, Mike, Michele, Joey, Emily, Liz, Lauren. (yep ill name drop because I can)

Weekend Update

2006-01-16T08:09:00.000-05:00

Well this was one weird weekend in a sense. Here is what happened:

Survivor: well my friend and I met up Friday night to take the needed pics for the audition (face shot and body shot) and were going to get printed in the morning at Walgreens. However they do not do anything, even through the computer you are supposed to be able to walk up to and do your own work until 8am. This threw off the schedule. So I made an executive decision and will be sending in my own video instead. This I have found works to my benefit, because you can show your personality more.

Football: Well it was the weekend of upsets. The Colts, Bears (sorry Dan, but both our teams got beat by the cats), and New England. I really do not care anymore who wins, but will still watch the Superbowl and hope for 2 decent teams.

Volunteering: Some may know, some may not, but I am a volunteer head coach for local Pop Warner team. They are ages 9-12 and I absolutely enjoy it. I figure if I cannot play the sport anymore, I will help develop some players to enjoy the game as I did. I was contacted last night being told the board of Directors would like me to come on board. I figure why not! So I will be going tonight to the meeting and start moving up the ranks. I know what some people are thinking right now and no, don't worry, I don't plan on being commissioner or President anytime soon.

Blog: looks like some people stopped by the blog during the weekend. Thanks people for the comments, I am glad to see I am not alone in my assessment. I am currently checking out some of the blogs of the people who came by. Good stuff out there. Make sure to click on the links on the side and visit those sites. If you have a blog you think I would be interested in, leave it as a comment and I will link it if it gets my attention =)

Blog Land.. Lots of People, Little Friends

2006-01-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

I will admit, in my 3 or so years of blogging (yes many different domains and blogs) I have noticed a little fact. Well maybe not so small.

There must be millions of blogs from people of all ages. Some who write about life and others about nothing. Some people enjoy reading other people (like myself) and some never read another souls blog. However as much as you could blogroll the world, how many actually create a friendship or annual acquaintance with another persons blog.

I find that sometimes I blog to the entertainment of myself and friends which gather some comments and other times about nothing which still gather comments from the same people, however link sharing is not to be found. I know it will be time till I am seen more through the web with this blog, however I envy those who have an active readership, can write 3 lines that make no sense and still get 40 comments. It baffles me.

To those who do read and comment, thank you, trust me, makes it worth to write more when you know someone other then yourself is reading content. I know I am not alone in feeling the envy and wanting to be more involved with some other sites but as I have done in the past, let whatever happens, happen.

"New Jersey, Come See For Yourself"

2006-01-13T08:19:00.000-05:00

Ahhh yes, the new state slogan. Not to bad considering what was offered.

For those of you out there who know someone from NJ or are from NJ you have to admit something. For a state that gets picked on often and has its problems, many of the residents of NJ are proud to be from NJ. We wear it like a badge. "yeah I'm from NJ, gotta problem?" or "yeah we have Camden, second year in a row as being the most unsafe place to live in America, woop woop!" New Jersey is my home, I do not want to leave this great state, however I will bet that in another yr or 2 the Avg home will be 1 Mill at the lowest. I think the state slogans should have been:

NJ - Use our beaches, Shop our malls, Buy our cheap gas, but you can't afford a 1 bed room apt here!
NJ - 21 Counties at least 7 different smells
NJ yes we are the piece of land between NYC and Philly
NJ at least not all of politicians are corrupt
NJ home of the Gay American

However, the new Bon Jovi song Who says you can't go home, is going to be used by the state to try and bring young people back home. As crazy as it sounds, the song sounds too much like many of the feelings I get just thinking about leaving my town. Lyrics Here

I'm Gonna Do It

2006-01-12T09:04:00.000-05:00

Well after a few years of talking about it, I am finally going through with my threat to friends and family that I would apply for Survivor. Chance of me getting on are like the chances of me winning the lottery, but would I be good for TV? YOU KNOW IT!

Saturday, early in the morning I will be treching to NYC to get in line at the Javits Center. It is from 10 am - 12noon. Keep your fingures crossed. My friend who is coming with me is going to apply as well, though I told her that if she gets on and I don't, we will never speak again. I never miss an episode and she has never seen a complete season. Either way at least I can say I tried.

Vest Guy Gets Mad

2006-01-11T08:08:00.000-05:00

Well yesterday the Vest guy I talked about in The Fat Shedding, Smelling, Jammed Time of Year, came over to where I was doing my ab workout, which means I'm almost done in the gym. Well here is our convo:

VG- "hey what's up"
Me- "Not to much, just finishing up"
VG- "Question"
Me- "Ok"
VG- "Why is that whenever I come into the gym some of the guys are staring at me and then leave."
Me- "Because you smell like crap"
VG- "Excuse me"
Me- "Dude, you need to seriously wash your clothes and take a shower or something, because your killing me right now. We all notice you wear the same damn clothes. Read the article on the wall, I think you will notice some highlighted areas."
VG- "Man, I don't know what your talking about"
Me-" try this experiment, go take a shower, wear different clothes tomorrow, and then the next day small your 'workout' clothes and tell me if you pass out"

At this time he walked away to a stationary bike, in which 2 people on both sides of him got up and left. Was quite sad yet hysterically funny.

Woman Code: My Enemy

2006-01-10T08:12:00.000-05:00

Ask any guy and we will tell you, we cannot stand the woman code. O yes, the code! Women you cannot deny it! You will say one thing and mean 3 other things all in which we have to figure out.

In recent times I have been talking to people about some of the things that get me all crazy about women. For instance here is my break down of just a few:

Does this make me look fat? If we say yes we are in trouble, if we say no we are in trouble. However I am the combatant who will take one for the team and then fight back. I always say yes! Because I look at it as it something making her appear fat, not saying she is fat herself. Then I will argue that she never wanted me to lie and I am only being honest like she has always wanted me to be and I would never lie. However, I then pose the question of, "if you didn't really want to know, then why did you ask me? Next time just tell me what you want to hear and I will say it."

I hate men! Funny, they hate you to! Usually your take on the opposite sex is written across you head. We do however know this is code for you saying "can you prove me wrong." I don't fall for it, because I think if someone is going to have to try and make themself hate people of the opposite sex to calm down their slutish ways, then let them, but like I said, it only makes them look bad. I have talked to a few people through school and online who always said they hated men. I asked why, they say, "simple, they are jerks". ahhhh way to answer the question genius. Later you find out it is because they were screwed over, I told them women do the same thing, but doesn't stop guys often. If she wanted proof of women being just as bad, I told her to watch Maurey and how many women can't figure out who their baby's father is. Women listen, men you too. Do not openly say you hate the opposite sex for some crazy shit, because it just shows some of your baggage and lets people know they have to work harder.

All Men want is sex: And Just about 90% of women to! Do not even try and deny it you are just lying to yourself. Like I said before, we know how to combat this and know that it is really something you want just as bad. Honestly, most women will sleep with guys to feel that they are wanted and loved. You create your own hell.

and my #1 thing I cannot stand is......
You're just too nice for me: Which leads to men saying "all good guys finish last." Ladies you say you do not agree with that statement, but will be the first to break up with a guy and use that line. That is worse then "I think we should just be friends." However seriously, you know what that sounds like? Imagine this:
You are on a job interview and the employer says:

Wow this is an amazing resume, really is by far the best and most qualified person for the position. However, We will not be hiring you. But you are by far the most perfect person for this job. We will use you to measure all the other applicants but will settle for some abusive alcoholic. We may even call you at 2 am some nights to complain about them and remind you how perfect you are and how we wish we could have hired you.

Ladies remember, you keep dropping the good guys, you will one day sit back and wonder why you cannot find anyone who is nice. You know the ones you let go? Here is a tip, the guys you think you can change from being assholes, only become bigger ones!

As for the guys, we will continue to try and study and figure out your minds. I will make this statement though. Be true to who you are and never change for anyone. I am proud to love football, lifting, write poetry, enjoy theater, my family, friends and doing community service. For I know one person, because I enjoy to do community service and enjoy theater I am not looked at as being masculine. I look at it as she has never really known a man and only hangs with little boys who try to look cool. This the same person who could fall into everything above, insecure, shallow and lacking of all class. But then again, that is just my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Trapped by Our Own Mind

2006-01-05T10:39:00.000-05:00

I was on Menshealth.com and read this article "My Girlfriend's Kinky Threesome". Now I know your thinking something bad here, but in all reality it is the thinking in the guys mind which is common to everyone.

Ever talk to someone you are interested in, dating or even married to and learn some information about them that just sticks in your mind for no reason but for your own personal torture? Well lets narrow this down, to basically this article. Say you are on a date, you know this person and the topic of sex comes up. This has come up before and now new information comes up. They talk about how they were once telling their friends some secrets about their sex life and it got out and how embarrassing it was for them. :: TRIGGER:: Now your mind is wondering, well what about what we have done? What have they said about me? What do they know? What will they know?

A prisoner in your own web of thoughts and fears. The more they go on with the story, the more you feel like you are doing a horror movie with the shrieking sounds from Psycho playing. Everything you can find that you did wrong is playing out. You forget the positive things.....::Back to reality:: they ask you for some info and now you hold back, you want to share to keep the conversation going, you want to ask what they know and at the same time worried, what will go against you!

Even when you try your best to change the topic, you cannot get it out of your head. Feeling like you are being judged by every detail to the topic of someone's conversation which could leather lead to someone's embarrassment. You meet one of their friends and want to introduce yourself as the person who "couldn't get it up that night" but you know, it was because it was 30 degrees in that car and were in a public parking lot.

Time will pass and maybe this one line they once said will have gone to a distant memory. Your actions will no longer be the subject of "what will they say" that is until, you walk into a room when they are with their friends, a quick laugh, conversation stops and you are left to think, "Oh no, what did they say about me".

That Fat Shedding, Smelling, Jammed Time Of Year

2006-01-04T09:36:00.000-05:00

So I get off the treadmill after a decent run for my cardio and abs day and I go to get the cleaning spray and paper towel and see this article posted with some highlighting done. The Home News Tribune. I knew right away who to go to. She is a trainer there and said, "how did you know" and I just said "because your like me, we say it as it is". This was a big thing to the new people.

We started laughing hysterically because the day before me and some other regulars at the gym were commenting on the same things. The smell from the people the first day or working out in the new year was so bad, people started to walk out of the gym. This is why we wear deodorant in America.

Another pet-peeve of mine is the people who stare at you. They are just so blatant about it to. I was on the stability ball doing an advanced move (jack knives) and this guy who was watching me, sees me leave, I turn around and watch him and his whole body flew off and his crashed into the mirrored wall. I was going to help him, but I couldn't stop laughing. Another guy was doing dumbbell curls, sees a guy squatting 225lbs, he decides he wants to do it. We offer to spot him, though he also smells like all hell, but he declines. He pulls the bar back, and squats down (easy part) but cannot get up. We go to save his ass and lift the bar up, tell him to start out with lower weight, I guess he was embarrassed and said "no I am just worn out from my workout" even though he was there for 15 minutes.

We have a guy we call "Vest Boy". This guy for over a year wears the SAME CLOTHES every time he was at the gym. We hadn't seen him for 2-3 months and he came in yesterday, with the same clothes and the same vest he always wears. Some of us are thinking about taking up a collection and buying him some Axe body spray, detergent, and a new vest. Because when I say he smells, O boy you better run for the other side of the room.

Read the article if you haven't already. Don't be the person I blog about. LOL

New Year Resolutions

2006-01-03T12:22:00.000-05:00

This is that time of year where we all make self promises to get in better shape, financially in order and whatever else comes to mind. It is a time to look ahead and plan to the future and start with a clean slate. Right... With that said, I don't think a clean slate is starting he new year with credit debt from the year before.

I often disagree with people saying "I'm going to lose weight", mainly because they do not give a timeline. As a personal trainer it makes me insane when people say they want to lose weight, but have no goal and no timeline. The other part is how people will just jump into a gym membership, go hardcore for 2 weeks and then burn themselves out. Also, like before, without a plan or goal. Sure I am happy when some people stop going to the gym in 3-4 weeks, because it opens more room for myself to workout and do what I have to do to keep my body in shape. I recommend to not make losing weight a goal, but to find something to strive for that you should train for. Train for a mini-marathon, a walk-a-thon, a birthday, holiday anything in which you know there is a timeline and a motivation.

For myself, I plan on challenging myself more this year. Here are list of challenges I have come up with so far.

Compete in a Triathlon (April,May June one of those months)
Compete in a mini-marathon (Fall)
Clean out all credit debt by April
Be more decisive and follow with my heart more.

To do a Triathlon and Marathon it will challenge me on all levels. Mentally, physically and spiritually with myself. To push my body further and to push myself to the limit while I still can. I live with the N.O.W. (no opportunity wasted) mentality.

Whatever you choose for your resolutions, just remember its always easy to change, easier to quit and not do it, but the benefits far outweigh the negatives if you follow through. Also, one last word of advice for those who are trying to lose weight. Do not try and make your body look like someone else's, because you won't, because of genetics. Just remember you make the best of what you have to work with and be happy with your results and how you look.

Best Buy????

2005-12-28T14:37:00.000-05:00

Go and read Lindesy's Life and then tell me if you would feel safe sending your computer out to get fixed.

Christmas Not Done For Me Yet

2005-12-28T08:27:00.000-05:00

This picture says it all. This is how close I am to getting my final Christmas Gift. Christmas was fun this year to see some people enjoy the gifts and was frustrating for those who diddn't really react the way you would have thought they would have.

I on one hand was given the Christmas Gift of the Giants clinching the playoffs, even if they did lose on Christmas Eve. However, that win would have given me the perfect gift, which I now have to wait and see if I will recieve it on New Years Eve.

My friend will be bringing me to the Giants first playoff game (50 yrd line, 20 rows up) if the Giants clinch their division this weekend (because that means they get at least 1 home game).

New Years Eve... UUGGGHHHH PLEASE LET THE REAL GIANTS SHOW UP!!!!!

I wish I was this smart when I was younger

2005-12-22T14:07:00.000-05:00

My Christmas Story

2005-12-22T07:33:00.000-05:00

'Twas The Night Before Christmas and sitting by the window on the phone I was talking to a friend about Last Christmas. I remember, that's when Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, Daddy wasn't happy, so he walked into judge judy's court with a Parade of The Wooden Soldiers.

I look outside and it's Dominick, The Italian Christmas Donkey who is looking at me with a Mexican on his back who shouts Donde Esta Santa Claus and after a short pause yells Feliz Navidad. Then Frosty the Snowman is seen running screaming "Snow You're All I Want For Christmas" as he slowly melts all that can heard now is Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow.

Then a Little Drummer Boy is heard in the neighborhood and the cops are called. But explains Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. Then a red light is seen. It is Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer. Who is drinking from the puddle created by the melted frosty. Then the redneck in the neighborhood with his shotgun in hand says "I sees me some good jerky" and running to my door and I yell "Run Rudolph Run!"

I hear a noise and ask Do You Hear What I Hear its Jingle Bells and The Man With All The Toys is standing there and hang up the phone. Noticing no bag in hand I asked "I'm getting Nuttin' for Christmas, am I?" he replies "HELL NO, you saved that whining red nosed rat!" I respond "Gee Whiz, It's Christmas The Most Wonderful Time of The Year It's Christmas Everywhere in Harlem Do They Know It's Christmas?" With that, he sits down, pulls out a flask and asks me, "If It Doesn't Snow on Christmas and I get one Silent Night without having to hear The Twelve Days of Christmas and The Chipmunk Song over and over again. I have 30 lawsuits from the ACLU for saying Merry Christmas All and not Happy Holidays." With that he wiggled his nose and went away. Going outside I notice I'm really in a Marshmallow World.

Waking up from this nightmare, I run to the window and see a Winter Wonderland. It's a White Christmas! Back on my bed there is a note and it reads, "Remember Santa Claus Is Watching You and you could blind if you keep doing what you doing when watching The Bells of St. Mary. Happy Christmas Santa".

My #1 Christmas Wish

2005-12-21T08:47:00.000-05:00

You grow up looking for people to look upto. Finding different heros from comic books and sports stars, when in front of you, your hero could be standing. For me, it was and will always be my father. He was a beacon of strength, knowledge and humor. A lot of who I am today is because of something he taught me. Every Christmas is hard for me now and not always in a bad way. December 20, 1996 my father, Dennis, died in my arms from a brain aneurysm. He was dead for minutes, but got his heart back, but we had already lost him. December 23 at 1 am was his official harvesting of his organs to be donated to 7 different people. So when 7 different families celebrated life at Christmas, my family and I planned the funeral and remembered him.

Imagine if you could, being 16, your hero dies in your arms, yu actually feel the heart beat so fast that it haunts you. Then it just stops. Imagine watching the chest compressions and know that they got the heart back, and you have hope. Imagine that you have a first aid squad down your street and it takes 45 min for an ambulance to come to your house because the police chief actually drove to the local hospital to grab an ambulance to come to your house. Now imagine not knowing how to explain to your little brother that daddy isn't coming back and this is not like the movies.

I do not let his death from this world become an excuse for any problems I have created for myself. I can only credit him for teaching me so much in life as he continued to do in death. I was saving this post for the 23rd, but yesterday I was told by multiple people about how they see a lot in me that isn't always shown in most guys. One said they did not actually see me as being "masculine" after learning that I enjoy theater and love to volunteer. However, I love theater because I like to entertain people and I love to volunteer because my father often did for me as being a coach and then gave up his organs in his death for people to have a chance to live along with the quarts of blood he donated to people throughout his life. I am in touch with my emotions and I actually listen and respond to people. My father always taught me to treat people the way I wanted to be treated but to also give everyone a chance. To be who I am and to never follow the crowd. I watched how he treated my mother and how he treated people he did not know. I have created myself to be a lot like my hero.

My hero now on this earth is my mother. She is strong, intelligent, driven, caring and most of all loving. She took 2 teenage boys and helped them through HS in the hardest part of their lives and then in college. She lost her best friend, her lover and husband. I could not have asked for a better person to look up to and still look to for advice. She once told me when I was a little boy, "follow the beat of your own drummer" and then wrote that to me when I graduated HS. Its that advice I have always kept in the back of my head.

If I was to be given one wish, it will always be the same one I have wanted forever. A chance for my mom and dad to have one final dance. That's all I ask. As much as I would have liked him to be there the day I got my liscense, graduating HS and seeing the first male in my family to graduate college, and to see my get married and my kids, I know he is watching and a lot of him is now a part of me, I would just like to see them dance one last time. To see two angels dancing and showing me just a piece of heaven.

Tears still fall everytime I remember him, but to remember someone and to talk about them is the biggest memorial anyone can do. To all of you who haven't told your parents how you feel, do it now, the holiday is here and you can use that as a crutch to help you out. Just make sure you tell them and everyone around you how you feel, because tomorrow may not come.

H.S. Convo: Timeline

2005-12-20T08:46:00.000-05:00

It was June of 1998 and about midnight me and 2 guys I have been friends with since 4th and 7th grade stopped in a local park in our town. Just hanging out and talking. We don't remember what prompted the talk, but we all got into the dreams of the real world. We were done and finished with our High School lives. One of the topics that came up was our personal time lines. Where did we want to be when we grew up?

I was talking with one of the guys 2 nights ago while having a drink in hand, it hit me, our time lines weren't that far off or out of reach. I can remember some of my major goals.

Finish School in 4 years
Get a good and stable job by 22
Married by 27
Kids by 29

I stopped there, because as I learned early in life, you can die young and I wanted to have a short term plan. I didn't grad in 4 years, it was 5.5 years after 4 different majors (I don't regret it). I have been with the same job for 5 years and moving up the pay scale. As much as I do not always like it, it is all relative to the fact that it is stable and I have job security. As for the rest following that, we will see. I'm 25 now and still have plenty of time to let life happen.

I actually forgot about that timeline until this past week. Life is funny on how many people will effect your life and then leave just as fast. Sometimes their effects on you last, sometimes they just fade into the shadows. I will not forget that summer or that conversation, because it was like a scene from a movie and it was so raw in just pure innocence. Not knowing what was awaiting us in the future weeks. But I cannot wait to see what life will be like when we are all married and have kids, because we joked about that as well. That is just one convo I will keep between the 3 of us.

My Letter to Santa

2005-12-19T08:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Santa,

Listen boss, this your guy Ryan here. Need to ask for a few things for this Christmas and since I haven't asked for anything in oooooo 10 + years, I think it's time you owe me. You know I am by far one of the nicest people on this planet and I will kill anyone who says differently. I would also like clarification on the definition of "naughty".

First I would like for you to get rid of the pyscho-bitch who works in my office. Yes, I know we have a small office, but this is the one person who is standing in my way of enjoying my job. She basically just tries to go behind my back to make complaints that always come back to me. She is a complete moron in every sense, but I will give her credit for being good in sales. This is because she treats every guy like she wants to sleep with them. Of course that changes when they see her and her rat face. So if you could just run her over with your rieghndeer, it would be appreciated, just watch out for grandma.

Next I would like to be out of debt, just like everyone really. This however is my turn to get rich quick. I have seen some informercials that woke me up a few times. So if you could get me on as one of those actors saying that they made all the money, I would be greatly appreciative. That or help push my application to be on Survivor and Big Brother.

Finally, I would like the U.S.A. to make a few changes:
1. English as official language, because I feel like I need a green card to go a few blocks from my house.
2. Close the flood gates for 1 year. No one in and no one out. Just go on a seek and destroy of every illegal alien and shoot them on spot.
3. Allow kids to play tag and dodge ball. I am tired of kids being weak and whining little bitches.
4. Celebrities who try and give political views on either side of the aisle and think people actually should listen to them, should be put into a room and forced to listen to Michael Jackson and watch Polly Shore movies over and over and over again.
5. Any atheist who tries to fight "in god we trust", "under god" and other thing referring to god to piss off the majority, should be sent into a war zone and see how fast they are begging for help from above.

If all that seems a little too much, I will settle for some cash, new car, Giants winning superbowl and my pop warner team I coach winning some games, because the kids really do deserve it.

Your Pal
Ryan

It's Time

2005-12-16T14:20:00.000-05:00

Get my Christmas Bonus today, that means it is officially time for me to go Christmas Shopping. Now I only have to figure what to get people, since everyone's answer this year is "I don't know".

What was on my #1 thing on my list? You got it, "peace on earth." hahaha I wanted to know what it felt like to give a beauty pageant answer.

Blogging... Personal, Info or Entertainment?

2005-12-16T09:23:00.000-05:00

I have been blogging for about 3 yrs now. I have had multiple sites on blogspot, one on Xanga, others I privately hosted and even had a group blog. From the beginning, "blogging" was looked to have been just writing in an online journal. Sharing some things about your life and people were happy. Now it seems like you have to almost find ways to entertain people to get them to come back.

People who write blogs are lying if they say it is purely for writing and just that. That they do not care if people are not reading or commenting on their site that they work hard on. Now you have people joining sites like BlogExplosion, Blog Clicks and everything else under the sun to create connections with other people who blog. However, when is it no longer writing for yourself and rather wondering, "hmmmm I wonder what people would like to read and comment on."

Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying this is the majority of the people, but this is a common trend I am noticing through the blogs I read. You can see where people are trying hard to come up with topics and even apologize for not writing on some days. O well, I still think there are a few good blogs out there amongst some of the crap. (this will not be a hot topic for many readers, o well)

Got Gym Pet Peeves?

2005-12-15T09:29:00.000-05:00

Being at the gym about 5 - 6 days a week, I think I have about seen it all. Along the way I also have developed multiple gym pet peeves. What makes me even more upset is if it is done by people I am friends with or worse, someone I may be training. Here is a simple list of things that make me want to pull out my hair or drive me so insane, it makes me want to make babies cry (I wouldn't do this, but maybe I would).

Day old sweat on treadmill
Guys who have to check themselves out in the mirror every 2 min to see if they grew a muscle
Really bad B.O. (go take a shower please or use deodorant)
People who stare at you (good or bad, its annoying)
Cell Phone Use while doing cardio or at all for that matter, take it outside
Social Hour, if your talking more then your working out, leave!
Not cleaning up the weights, put them back where you got them or at least in the right place.
Fat people on cardio machines who aren't putting any effort and after 30 minutes, have not even shed a drop of sweat.
Worse, People in terrible shape making comments and insulting people who are working out and getting in shape.

Anyone have more to add?

#1 Jersey Poll

2005-12-15T08:29:00.000-05:00

I was in the gym and saw this poll on TV which said that only 23% of people are acceptable of Happy Holidays being said to them in stores and the rest of the public want to hear "Merry Christmas". So I decided to ask people of NJ what they are saying around the Christmas Time. Here are my findings:

Season of Giving.... Nightmares?

2005-12-14T11:42:00.000-05:00

Ahhh yes, this is the time of year of celebrating Christmas. The day we celebrate the birth of Christ, to spend time with family and for Santa to cut off heads? Seems as if more and more people these days want to try and make a scene on the commercialism of Christmas by either killing Santa or making him cut off someone's head.

This is what little children see on their way home from school. Many have been crying when they see the image of Santa holding a knife and a severed head in his hand. With barbie dolls in the tree decapitated. This from a family who says they are making a point on the commercialism of Christmas. This family they later mention is also a non-practicing Jewish Family, who claim their daughter came up with the idea.

Last week a man in FL hung Santa in a tree, with his hands bound together and blindfolded to make the same statement. After police, media and community attention and asking him (who was not living in the home mind you) to take it down, he did one night around 1/2 a.m.

Now I understand what people are trying to do do and protest, but seriously, scaring the crap out of little kids is not the way to do it. Part of the magic of Christmas is to still have that belief in the man in the red suite. Even if you are ages from 5-100.

Foamy is My Mind In Animation

2005-12-14T10:46:00.000-05:00

Click to view flash video

Finding a Reason

2005-12-13T08:34:00.000-05:00

What makes a man break and come to his knees begging for mercy, knowledge and guidance? What can drive a once semi-religious family to not be and yet lead them back as individuals?

If you talk to anyone, they will tell you, I am not religious at all. I have not been to a church service since Easter 1997. My brother and I used to be ushers for the church to not going at all. That was the last time I went to a service since the death of my father. They read his name that day and I never went back.

In recent weeks, for some reason the feeling of going to church 9 years after my father died. If I follow through it will be a very emotional experience for me. Many have tried to get me to go their services, but I refuse, because this is something so personal that I feel if I go just to go with someone else, I will not be going willingly and being open. Plus, on a poetic level, I want to go back to my church, the place where my father's funeral marked his death and ending of my semi-religious times to now become a new birth of sorts for new time (don't worry, I am not a crazy religious fanatic and that is my church in the picture).

Below is a poem I once wrote which gives you a good idea as to how I have been feeling.

Letter
This is a letter to you lord
This accord
Needed time to heal
But lets set the record straight
He was supposed to live
Teach and help us grow
That was the deal

Haven’t come to your home
In many years time
Not because of hate
Because I needed time to heal
Still have a hard time
Seeing through the tears of mine

You never made it easy on me
Never expected you to
I mean why would you?
It’s a part of life
To feel pain, compassion and glory
Not for me
Pain is my friend
Love has forgotten me
Left me with shattered dreams
Precious memories

Never thought I would write this letter
Who knows if you will get this
Or even better
Leave me the way you did in the past
You know
When you took my father
And left me and my family with nothing to grasp
But some torn clothes from that dreary day
Yeah, that’s love

I already know what you have to say
That you love me
Always by my side
That it was his time
That you held me when the times were rough
Well maybe you did
But I was only a child
With a brother and mother who were with me crying
To say we have stopped
I would be lying

I need to know you understand
That I never stopped coming because I was mad
Just confused to how life works
Why it was his time then
What my role was
How I am supposed to live?
Pain took me over
Tears still role down my cheek
I hope you understand I feel pain
I am only a man
This, me, am your creation

I only ask one favor
When I have a child
And teaching him to be a man
Give me a warning of limited time left
So I can take his hand
Tell him that I love him
To be who he wants to be
Leave him with a smile
That I will watch him
With wings spread open
That’s all I ask

I never knew I could finish this letter
Tell him that I love him
That tears still flow each day for him
Years have passed and not forgotten
Time in your house
Will be there when it opens.
- Ryan Toth

Cost of Car

2005-12-12T09:22:00.000-05:00

Drumroll Please......................... about $1,350

O Where O Where Is My Money?

2005-12-12T08:36:00.000-05:00

It seriously feels that lately, no matter how much I budget, how much I do not spend, I do not have any money! Main culprit is my car. In a months time, it is back in the shop and now will cost me a lil over $1,000. Just like the last time it was in the shop. This time it is the entire muffler system. Go figure.

I seriously am becoming stressed to the point of just giving up. Seems like no matter what I do to correct the situation, it only gets worse. I am beginning to think that my crazy idea of a second job may not be so crazy. I mean I am finally getting my raise I have been fighting for, for a year now. However, I have made huge sacrifices to try and get back in the black and out of the red.

Shut down any site that is costing me
Only go out 1 night a week
Put Semi-Pro team on hold
No personal spending on "luxury" items
Keep trying to lower Student Loan Costs

Those are just a few from my list I created for myself. Basically, I have to stop living for a while. However, still, life happens and things you don't expect, kill you. Like this car. This has all happened right in Christmas time. I have yet you buy a single gift yet. Not because im lazy, but because I have to work paycheck to paycheck now.

I think what seriously stresses me the most is the fact, that yeah I may live at home, I do pay every bill that is in my name, which is everything but the house, however I wonder how if I cannot survive now, how will I when alone? It is really annoying. To think, I would be up $2000 in my account and then my X-mas bonus will put me over 3-4K in my account. However now, I can barely pay my bills and my bonus will be going to pay for this fucking car again. I swear I am fucking cursed.