Me and Death... Whatever
April 30, 2006
So, I was in Florida 2 days after my grandfather goes into hospital. Living on the phone the whole time finding out what was going on. Then I was home to see him. I set up my grandmother's house to get it ready for hospice. Thurs night I had to leave for Vernon, NJ for a company event. Being with my mom this weekend (work), we were living on the cell keeping in check on events going back home. On Friday night, shortly after midnight, my phone starts to ring. I think 2 possibilities.
It is either Erica, my friend from Arizona calling with not remembering the Time-Zone difference or my aunt.
It was my aunt calling to let us know my grandfather had just passed away. My brother was there earlier that day and may had been one of the last people to hear him speak (briefly waking from a coma he fell into from the stroke the night b4).
Now we have the foundation laid down to as what happened. Here is where I found that I don't really feel guilty, but cannot find the words to express the odd feelings I have. I for the past couple of years have been numb to any feeling dealing with death. It just kind of rolls off me like "ok what's next, let's do it." I feel like I should be sad, but I'm not. I wish I could sympathize with people, but that even seems hard for me now. It is as if, that moment in life when I held my father as he died in my arms and witnessed the very end of my own innocence and was thrown to the wolves of uncertainty, that I lost emotion during death.
I do want to thank those who are strangers, friends and people who have stopped talking to me (for whatever reasons) on their words of kindness. Tomorrow we have the 2 viewings and then the funeral on Wed. I do not think I will be updating, but you will still see me online.
posted by Total Core Fitness Bootcamp @ 4/30/2006 08:33:00 PM,
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The Author
Coach Ryan
Ryan is twenty seven years old and recently married. Him and his wife are expecting their first child in May. One of his current jobs is as a personal trainer. He also volnteers as a youth football head coach, the players are 8-11 yrs old.
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