Me and Death... Whatever
April 30, 2006
So, I was in Florida 2 days after my grandfather goes into hospital. Living on the phone the whole time finding out what was going on. Then I was home to see him. I set up my grandmother's house to get it ready for hospice. Thurs night I had to leave for Vernon, NJ for a company event. Being with my mom this weekend (work), we were living on the cell keeping in check on events going back home. On Friday night, shortly after midnight, my phone starts to ring. I think 2 possibilities.
It is either Erica, my friend from Arizona calling with not remembering the Time-Zone difference or my aunt.
It was my aunt calling to let us know my grandfather had just passed away. My brother was there earlier that day and may had been one of the last people to hear him speak (briefly waking from a coma he fell into from the stroke the night b4).
Now we have the foundation laid down to as what happened. Here is where I found that I don't really feel guilty, but cannot find the words to express the odd feelings I have. I for the past couple of years have been numb to any feeling dealing with death. It just kind of rolls off me like "ok what's next, let's do it." I feel like I should be sad, but I'm not. I wish I could sympathize with people, but that even seems hard for me now. It is as if, that moment in life when I held my father as he died in my arms and witnessed the very end of my own innocence and was thrown to the wolves of uncertainty, that I lost emotion during death.
I do want to thank those who are strangers, friends and people who have stopped talking to me (for whatever reasons) on their words of kindness. Tomorrow we have the 2 viewings and then the funeral on Wed. I do not think I will be updating, but you will still see me online.
posted by Total Core Fitness Bootcamp @ 4/30/2006 08:33:00 PM,
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Who Says You Can't Go Home?
April 27, 2006
Well for those who have sent well wishes or whatever about my grandfather, I thank you. Here is the scoop.
Well he has a huge tumor in his liver and he is not able to get any treatment. It is Cancer. They give him 6-9 months max with perfect nutrition, we hope it is longer. He is now home today, going to be doing hospice. I said hey, if I knew I wasn't going to be on this earth much longer, I would want to be home, live how I want, say what I have to say and then die peacefully with family around me, not in a hospital, possibly alone.
As for other news, I will be gone for a few days for work. I cannot wait for this convention to be over so that I could only have 900 things left to take care of in a few months. I need a vacation.
posted by Total Core Fitness Bootcamp @ 4/27/2006 10:35:00 AM,
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One of My Favorite Quotes
April 26, 2006
Theodore Roosevelt said it best and I often look to this quote as to what I want to say to people everyday:
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
posted by Total Core Fitness Bootcamp @ 4/26/2006 11:24:00 AM,
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I'mmmmmm Baaaaaaccccckkkkkkkkkk
Ok, wow it has been a while since I have done any quality update. Here is the low down. I just got back from West Palm Beach where I was to enjoy plenty of relaxation and sun. Well, I got plenty of sun (avg 88 and sunny everyday, while it rained in NJ hahaha) and enjoyed my relaxation, however there was the part I wish I could have not had to deal with.
Last week 2 days before my time to leave, my grandfather was rushed to the hospital and has not left. Most of my nights and afternoons where of me on my cell calling home to get updates. Long story short, my grandfather doesn't have many days left on this earth and it is sad to see the way things are going. I am not happy with the hospital he is at and they are shocking me with their sub-par treatment.
Now that will explain some of my absence. The other is from my theory on some people in my life. It is "Silence Reveals All". I was in the shower (as when most brilliant ideas come to mind) and found that many people who have played "victim" in their roles with me. Usually saying that I do not try hard enough to keep in touch or do not make attempts to jump on one let, patting my head with my right hand and rubbing my stomach with my left were really talking about themselves. I found that I was one who would talk through IM or random phone calls when in car or bored. <<<>
PS. GO DEVILS!!!!!! GAME 3 Tonight!
posted by Total Core Fitness Bootcamp @ 4/26/2006 07:02:00 AM,
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Silence Benefits All
April 10, 2006
I have been in a sort of daze for the past couple of weeks. Trying to get myself set up for a second job, looking to the future, evaluating relationships and knowing that life is about my favorite word, change.
In recent weeks I have been thinking about relationships overall, with family, friends and so forth. Some days I can have a smile from ear to ear about the people I have met and the people I know and other times, I am often saddened by not only the loss of people in my life, but by my absence to really thank and let current people know how much they have impacted me.
I am not naive to think that with my silence from most of the world the past 2 weeks or so, that I have somewhat damaged some friendships, however sometimes silence reveals more and heals some. Time and changes coming along the way will reveal more.
During my time away from most, I came to realize one main thing. Sometimes your past is your future.
posted by Total Core Fitness Bootcamp @ 4/10/2006 08:44:00 AM,
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Some Facts on Organ Donation
April 07, 2006
· Today, there are close to 90,000 Americans registered with the United Network for Organ Sharing on transplant waiting lists.
· Every year, an estimated 6,000 people die while waiting for organ transplants.
· In 1988, 4,080 people donated organs after death. In 2004, that number has nearly doubled to 7,150.
· Organ donation occurred in only .0025% of all deaths in the United States.
· One individual who donates after death can provide organs, corneas, skin, bone and tissue for 50 or more people in need.
· In 2004, there were 27,033 organ transplants performed in the United States.
· An estimated 220,000 Americans are treated with transplanted bone and tissue each year. Tissues include tendons and ligaments, skin used to treat burns, heart valves and eye corneas.
· About 46,000 cornea transplants are performed annually, with more than 5,000 people waiting for donated corneas.
· The largest number of children who need organ transplants are waiting for kidney donations. Approximately 13% of patients on the national kidney waiting list are children less than 18 years of age. Almost 1% are age five and under.
· Almost 44% of people waiting for organ transplants are between the ages of 18 and 49.
· By gender, 57% of Americans waiting for donated organs are male; 43% are female.
· African-Americans, who represent 27% of the national population, receive more than 40% of all kidney transplants. Because of specific medical conditions, including diabetes and high blood pressure, African-Americans suffer a disproportionately high rate of End Stage Renal Disease (kidney failure). There are currently more than 24,000 African Americans waiting for kidney or kidney-pancreas transplants nationwide.
· Survival rates for organ recipients continue to rise. The one year survival rate for kidney recipients is 95%, for heart recipients, 85%, for liver recipients, 77%, and for pancreas recipients, almost 77%. Between 1996 and 2001, one year survival rates for lung recipients increased by almost 34%.
· There is no cost to be an organ and tissue donor. Donation is a gift
posted by Total Core Fitness Bootcamp @ 4/07/2006 10:38:00 AM,
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The Author
Coach Ryan
Ryan is twenty seven years old and recently married. Him and his wife are expecting their first child in May. One of his current jobs is as a personal trainer. He also volnteers as a youth football head coach, the players are 8-11 yrs old.
About This Blog
This blog is the thoughts and ramblings of what goes on in my head. Sometimes it could be modivational and other times it could be complete insanity. Thats the beauty of it all.
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I will eventually add more information in here. If you want to get to know me more, follow some of the links. I reccomend reading all the blogs I have linked here.
