My #1 Christmas Wish
December 21, 2005
You grow up looking for people to look upto. Finding different heros from comic books and sports stars, when in front of you, your hero could be standing. For me, it was and will always be my father. He was a beacon of strength, knowledge and humor. A lot of who I am today is because of something he taught me. Every Christmas is hard for me now and not always in a bad way. December 20, 1996 my father, Dennis, died in my
arms from a brain aneurysm. He was dead for minutes, but got his heart back, but we had already lost him. December 23 at 1 am was his official harvesting of his organs to be donated to 7 different people. So when 7 different families celebrated life at Christmas, my family and I planned the funeral and remembered him.Imagine if you could, being 16, your hero dies in your arms, yu actually feel the heart beat so fast that it haunts you. Then it just stops. Imagine watching the chest compressions and know that they got the heart back, and you have hope. Imagine that you have a first aid squad down your street and it takes 45 min for an
ambulance to come to your house because the police chief actually drove to the local hospital to grab an ambulance to come to your house. Now imagine not knowing how to explain to your little brother that daddy isn't coming back and this is not like the movies.I do not let his death from this world become an excuse for any problems I have created for myself. I can only credit him for teaching me so much in life as he continued to do in death. I was saving this post for the 23rd, but yesterday I was told by multiple people about how they see a lot in me that isn't always shown in most guys. One said they did not actually see me as being "masculine" after learning that I enjoy theater and love to volunteer. However, I love theater because I like to entertain people and I love to volunteer because my father often did for me as being a coach and then gave up his organs in his death for people to have a chance to live along with the quarts of blood he donated to people throughout his life. I am in touch with my emotions and I actually listen and respond to people. My father always taught me to treat people the way I wanted to be treated but to also give everyone a chance. To be who I am and to never follow the crowd. I watched how he treated my mother and how he treated people he did not know. I have created myself to be a lot like my hero.
My hero now on this earth is my mother. She is strong, intelligent, driven, caring and most of all loving. She took 2 teenage boys and helped them through HS in the hardest part of their lives and then in college. She lost her best friend, her lover and husband. I could not have asked for a better person to look up to and still look to for advice. She once told me when I was a little boy, "follow the beat of your own drummer" and then wrote that to me when I graduated HS. Its that advice I have always kept in the back of my head.
If I was to be given one wish, it will always be the same one I have wanted forever. A chance for my mom and
dad to have one final dance. That's all I ask. As much as I would have liked him to be there the day I got my liscense, graduating HS and seeing the first male in my family to graduate college, and to see my get married and my kids, I know he is watching and a lot of him is now a part of me, I would just like to see them dance one last time. To see two angels dancing and showing me just a piece of heaven.Tears still fall everytime I remember him, but to remember someone and to talk about them is the biggest memorial anyone can do. To all of you who haven't told your parents how you feel, do it now, the holiday is here and you can use that as a crutch to help you out. Just make sure you tell them and everyone around you how you feel, because tomorrow may not come.
posted by Total Core Fitness Bootcamp @ 12/21/2005 08:47:00 AM,
5 Comments:
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At 11:39 AM,
said...
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I loved the blog even though it made be teary-eyed and I had to face the wall while at work. =)Very motivational...i'm going home and telling my parents i love them.
Treating people how you would want to be treated is the only way to go. Keep being u. -
At 11:43 AM,
Unknown said...
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You've written a beautiful piece. Both your parents should be proud. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer at 49. After her death, my Dad and I got a lot closer. I always enjoyed talking to him. Now he is gone too. My husband lost both his parents within ten days of each other. You have learned a great deal from your parents. Keep what they told you close to your heart!
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At 11:58 AM,
Total Core Fitness Bootcamp said...
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Jill, thanks... yeah he passed away at 46. Seems like you and your husband have learned a lot yourselves. Thank you for the comment and I hope you and your husband pass on your wisdom to your children (if you have them)
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At 8:13 PM,
said...
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Hey Ryan, I stop by to read your blog every now and again...I remember you telling me about your dad and this time of year and what that means to you. Just wanted to let you know that I think your Dad would've been really proud of you. You've accomplished your goals thus far that you wrote about in your last post, and I am sure he is smiling down on you from above. Peace and Good Wishes, Vandana
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At 10:58 AM,
Suzette said...
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We never really lose the people we love who pass away. They are part of us forever, the way your Dad is part of you. He'd be proud of you if he read this post.
The Author
Coach Ryan
Ryan is twenty seven years old and recently married. Him and his wife are expecting their first child in May. One of his current jobs is as a personal trainer. He also volnteers as a youth football head coach, the players are 8-11 yrs old.
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This blog is the thoughts and ramblings of what goes on in my head. Sometimes it could be modivational and other times it could be complete insanity. Thats the beauty of it all.
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