What Do Guys Want?
June 13, 2006
can I ask your advise-. What is a guy looking for in a female? Looks? Brains? Sense o humor? Blow jobs? Money? Not just someone in their 20's but all ages, including the 40ish guy. What makes him fall in love and want to not lose the person from his life? What makes him fall out of love?I know this is a lot to ask and you aint dear abby, but maybe,just maybe you can shed some light since you know.
-thanksheartbroken in california
I got this comment yesterday. I first jumped up and down, because I received a comment, then sat and thought about it. At first I did not have the right words. However, this did not get me down, I went to my thinking room, yes the bathroom. I don't know why, but everything becomes clearer to me when in there.
First thing I would ask is, have you ever been in love and then ask, have you ever fallen out of love. It is always easy to question the feelings of others, when sometimes you have not experienced them yourself. I fortunately and unfortunately have found both. To be honest, the story with Dori and I is almost identical to your question.
We met through a HS dance, I went to a small school and if someone from the outside stepped onto my turf, I found them. She was with this idiot and I figured, hell if is she is with him, then there must me something wrong with her. We ran into each other by chance 2 other times. 1 time I tried talking to her and she ignored me and looked to the floor. Another was when she was with her bf and friends playing mini-golf. When we decided to meet up, I just got out of a long relationship with a girl I loved and her from one with an idiot, I was not looking for anything. I was honest with hr later on in telling her, I had every intention of playing her, because I was going to college in the fall. However I fell for her and shortly she broke up with me. I was "too nice". She was not used to a guy giving flowers, picking her up and treating her nice. About a month later, we were back. But that experience with her reasons to break up with me the first time, got to me. I thought, "maybe I am supposed to be that 'bad boy.'"
After being together for about 2-3 more yrs, I ended it. We fought more often and something was missing. I still loved her, but wasn't "in love" with her. It took me a while to find out what it was. We forgot to be friends when dating. We became consumed with things going on in our professional, collegiate and social lives, that we never paid attention to each other. This is why, I said, we were not dating when I popped the question. We filled that gap that was missing and things have been where they should have been. I will not lie, but I believe that time off opened my eyes to the world. I got to experience talking to many people and learning more about what people are really after. I have lost friends from them finding out I was getting married, simply because they wanted to screw me. This however I am finding is not uncommon.
As for falling in love and what people want. Well that is up to the person. However the only advice I would give from my personal experiences is, let go. Let go of the past, let go of the negatives and let go of anything that cannot happen. We all love to torment ourselves. If you had a bad experience, learn from it and let it go. The best way to go about everything is that this is today and today is a clean slate. You cannot change the past and you cannot hold the future to the past. Many people will take it against others who have nothing to do with the situations. Example. Many girls will be weary of all guys (ok) but then will not ven open up and try to give the guy a chance (not ok). They could be putting that "bitch" act up to protect themselves from some guys, but in reality, the women only need to protect themselves from themselves.
A great movie I would recommend watching, strictly for the basic look at human communication and basic wisdom is, HITCH. But to give you the insight how many guys and I mean many guys feel, here are some quotes from a scene in HITCH.
Albert: You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm, I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I, I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her.
Alex Hitch Hitchens: Look, you will. Just give it time.
Albert: That's just it. I don't want to. I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean, and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... Well, this is who I have to be.
posted by Total Core Fitness Bootcamp @ 6/13/2006 08:14:00 AM,
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Coach Ryan
Ryan is twenty seven years old and recently married. Him and his wife are expecting their first child in May. One of his current jobs is as a personal trainer. He also volnteers as a youth football head coach, the players are 8-11 yrs old.
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